t_cel_t

664. There's an easy way to avoid spending a lot of time standing in lines. First, you will need to cut holes in your pockets in advance, and afix dental floss to a large patch of your pubic hairs. When you find yourself stuck standing in a line, distract the person in front of you by pointing out the window and screaming, "Hey, isn't that Dan Rather?!" While they are looking the other way, throw yourself prone and use a sheepshank knot to attach the other end of the dental floss to their ankle. Then, when the line starts moving again and the person steps away, it will tear your pube patch out. At this point you will need to scream to get everyone's attention as you wince in pleasure, then point out the bundle of pubes that is now tied to their leg. That oughtta get the line moving.