Maria replies to Julio
 

Hello HTM Forum Readers: (excuse me for the long letter, I just needed write it!)

First of all I wanted to say my user name is not_honda because I don't drive a honda , not that I don't like them - I just drive a different car...

Okay, last night Julio became excessively controlling - I was speaking with my sister who is going through a divorce (not a short story, let me tell u)...Julio kept asking me to hang up on her and finally snatched the phone away and hung up on her and would not give me the phone. I tried taking it away but he wouldn't budge - so finally when I did, I called the police , not to arrest him but to stop the situation from getting out of hand any further. He immidiately disconnected the phone plug and left the apartment. I proceeded to reconnecting the phone line when the phone rang - it was the police. I told them there was some verbal disagreements but he had left and wanted to cancel the police call, so they did. Minutes later, the police bangs on my door. Julio went to the police station to tell them that I had gone crazy and I threw a pillow at him. He wanted them to arrest me, I'm sure.

this brings me back to the last 2 times the cops came to my house. One time we were on our way to the grocery store, we had a disagreemnt on something and came back home - I stayed in the car to cool off - I too was upset. 15 minutes later when trying to go into the apartment - Julio locked me out of the apartment, I tried going in one door and then the other and he wouldn't let me in! He called the police saying I was harassing him and I would not go away. of course they didn't take anyone, and he left for a week or two I think.

The other time he called the police was when he got home late and he came home making so much noise - I told him to go sleep in the living room - He said "No" - I tried pushing him off the bed so that he would go to the living room, he called the cops on me and said I had kicked him off the bed!

We have known each other for almost 10 years - lived together for about 3yrs. Before living together- he had his share of fun as well as I. I was ready to settle down and move forward with our family and home. Every couple that we've talked with tells us that a marriage/union is not a joy ride but very, very difficult to maintain. I was willing to work with this - I knew it wouldn't be easy, I try and keep him happy, I feed him, I've been faithful, I work hard, take care of Mathias ( he is very smart let me tell you - and I'm damn proud of this! :)), I finally went back to school, I think I've been a good companion for the most part - but I guess not good enough! I love him and I love Mathias more than anything in this world. I have never forced him to do anything he didn't want to - especially not now - if he is not ready to be a family man - he is free to fly away. He's still young, maybe he still wants to "experience life" the bachelor's way... he's free to do so. But I am not playing games here - I have my own life to live and my own goals to reach on top of that, "my little man to raise". I will not allow for him to waste my time or Mathias' - we will move forward!!!

If in 5 years Mathias ends up calling another man "daddy" it would be all his fault for not wanting to BE A REAL DADDY.

this is all I have to say - oh and one time he went to jail - I was 6 months pregnant with Mathias when "very, very bad things happened" - to not embarass my self or Julio - I will not mention them. Never in my life had I been treated that way and I knew I would never, ever let that happen again!

If Julio decides to not come back home - maybe it's the best for everyone. If he decides to come back home - we really need to work on the situation!

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

um...wow ???

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

as the world turns

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

sounds like you love him and you both need to talk things out and come to some agreements. if one person doesn't want to be in a relationship as much as the other person does, it will never work, both parties have to be willing to make sacrifices and swallow their pride every now and then. best of luck to all three of you :-\

on another note, i sure am glad my wife has no idea how to log on to a forum :-X

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

I have no idea what the hell that said cause its way too ------- long but.... GO ASK OPRAH! ;D

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

yea for real... sounds like you both need to work things out, and youll both have to compromise on things and give a little to make things work, if you dont it wont work

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

all i have to say dont use your son to get at julio. Just talk to him instead of talking to us :-\

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

wow

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

play nice and stop calling the damn police

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

this isn't the first time something like this happen :-\

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

when else did it happen?

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

------- seperate... You two are calling the cops non stop on eachother... i would NEVER do that to the person I love unless they were going to harm themselves or kill me. Furthermore, to get on the CAR forum and post this ----... is ------- rediculous. Did you do this so we would feel sympathy for you? Pretend for a moment to be a grownup and deal with the matter directly with him and come up with a solution.

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Communication is your friend

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

dont you remember? some dudes girlfriend got on saying they have problems telling all his business to us

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Two obvious realities, compromise or seperate. Since the COPS are involved I think some time apart for both of you is needed. It's obvious both of you need some real means of support, and a period to mature. Threatening to call the cops on each other is childish.

In a relationship a WORKING relationship roles must be assumed. What you two dictate what the role of each individual is really up to you two, but they should be followed. Sit down and discuss it, if you can't even do that then you really weren't meant to be.

Don't let mathais call another man his father, especially if the reasoning is because you two couldn't get along. I understand that some relationships do have abusive backgrounds but that doesn't seem to be the situation here. Denying him and his son a relationship is truly sad.

thats all the advice i can give now, good luck

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

I really think the best thing would be to work things out. I have a feeling that bringing this problem to a fourm and making back and forth posts about it is gonna make this problem worse, which it sounds like you really don't want.

Also, I think the most important thing here is to think of your kid. I'm not anywhere near old enough to be having kids of your own, but I remember when I was around four years old my mother let one of her best friends deal with her divorce/husband in my house so the arguments could stay somewhat modderated. Even though what was happening wasn't really going to effect me that much , it is something that I will always remember very vividly and not very fondley.

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

hey maria, got pics??
































j/k julio, you knew someone was going to say it ;D

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Not sure why you decided to post here Maria. It doesn't make much sense to me if you want to work it out that you come here and threaten him with "some other man being called daddy". I know guys that have kids that aren't the "family man" they should be, and Julio is not one of them. Julio takes Mathias to meets, brings him to installs, ect. At the drag meet he brought his son, and you (Maria) "Family Men" do that kind of stuff. If he wasn't ready to be a family man those kinds of things would never happen.
In general, if a marriage is to work, it's not the job of the police to be the responsible people in the marriage. It's up to the individuals. You can make it work, or maybe it's better for you guys not to be together. It's a decision you guys have to make, and keep.

In defense of all of this Julio bashing, I will say that Julio has called me before to say he needed time away from home and asked if he could stay with me. That action in itself will tell you he's not the "violent" guy" he's being made out to be. He decided to leave.

And I think that by your own words, "If Mathias ends up calling some other man daddy, it will be all his (Julio's) fault, shows that you don't want to take responsibility for your part of this failing relationship.

I'm not violent towards my wife whatsoever, but if my wife posted those words on HMT, I would probably plant drugs in her car and set her up for a good case in devorce court. Your really making things better here, Maria. :-\

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

rofl

and in response to this...

If Julio feels HMT is family enough to spill his guts to, then no reason Maria *shouldn't* post here. I don't agree with the way the situation is being handled but if I were in Maria's shoes I would sure as hell post a response to what he posted. Probably in the same thread though. :P

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

I think his time apart will be good for the both of you. :-\

he needs to figure himself out and so do you. for some reason i believe your side a little more than his.
also, you need to take what projekteg said into consideration.

another thing, and my $.02 do you guys show consideration/love to each other?

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

kain points the finger at mary.

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

I'm a Tri-Pod!

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

There is proof all over this board of him trying to be the family man. You and the baby are at all the So-Cal meets and he even brings Mathias when you aren't there. It would be very easy for him to leave you and the baby at home or drop the baby off with someone else so that he can go out and do his thing, but he doesn't. I can't comment on anything else you said because I don't know the situation, but I think calling him out about not being a real daddy is way off. He tries and that is a lot more than I can say for a lot of his guys in his situation. Julio will always be his daddy and it is too late to change that, so you better get used to the idea. This is between you and Julio, don't use your kid as a pawn.

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Wow, you actually posted something worth reading, Toejam. :o ;D

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Speaking of people dropping their kids of so they can do their thing.................. ;)

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

jezuz... what a cry for attention, talk to julio all the peeps on HMT dont need to know your business. With that being said http://www.hawkwindmuseum.co.uk/popcorn.jpg

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Hi Maria :)

I for one actually believe that it a good decision on Maria's part to make a post on here, just like Donald said "communication is your friend" and it seems the only way she can communicate to him at the moment is going to a website that he visits frequently as he doesn't have a cell phone and if I were mad at my significant other and she tried to get in touch with me I wouldn't let her. :-\

Julio she obviously loves you man trying to connect to you the only way she knows how. I highly doubt she came on here to surf HMT and look at what we do. And Maria you already obviously knows he loves you too. Stealthmode is right on one thing, if he didn't wanna be a family man and be committed he wouldn't bring you and hijo to the meets. For myself, been with a girl for 3 years, I'm not ready to commit to anything, so she doesn't go to any HMT gathering or event.

Seeing as yesterday's conflict arised from simple use of the phone, maybe an easy solution would be to get a second line, or even a couple cell phones. Yeah I know that money is tight and money shouldn't be tossed around for things that aren't really neccessary, but maybe it is necessary? Depending on another home line or cell phones, I would think that it is worth the extra 20-60 a month if it could prevent something like this to happen again.

I hope the two of you can work things out, but in my opinion something that should NEVER happen if it doesn't, is allowing for hijo to call another man daddy. From what I have seen, julio is an excellent father, to be honest seeing what Julio does with Mathias is stuff I wish my father and I have shared, but never did since he was away for a good while trying to make the money to make the family happy. Julio has been and always will be a terrific father and if things don't work out, you should let him continue doing so. Julio is the hijo's father and ALWAYS will be for all eternity.

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Oh and if I was Julio and I was going to leave, I woulda took my kid with me. But he didn't and I'm sure it's because he knows you will take care of him in his, hopefully short, absence and he didn't want to Mathais in an uncomfortable situation.

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

I don't know most of you guys, why would I seek sympathy from u?

I don't plan on posting anything else after today - just used this posting site for 2 reasons:

1.If you are trying to help Julio out by giving him advise -I would wish for you to give him the "best advise" according to the situation.

2. I would communicate with him directly - but I don't know where he is, so I'm getting my message to him through here I guess.

on another note - my child would never be my excuse to get to Julio. If Julio feels he wants to take custody of Mathias - we can arrange something I'm sure - He could have him one week and I have him the next week.... on the other hand if he wants to forget he had a child - he can.

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Communication is your friend
I am very open and communicative with Julio - he knows that. He always knows exactly how I feel about everything. My problem with him - he doesn't communicate with me and it makes everything so much more difficult to work through....

I guess it's a guy thing, cause when he gets on the phone with the HTM guys he talks up a storm and then when I ask him about something he doesn't say much - maybe you guys can help him open up on the situation and his feelings and help him analyze his situation and options. thanks for listening!

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

^^^^ to reply to your two post i doubt julio is going to forget about his kid. And whats HTM?

You should just really talk to him and try to work this out anything is possible it takes time and devotion that were your two vows i believe. if you two can take the time to call the cops wait for their ass to show up you can take the time to talk things out

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

If in 5 years Mathias ends up calling another man "daddy" it would be all his fault for not wanting to BE A REAL DADDY.
to most of you guys this really got to you - let me explain myself: REALITY - If Julio and I do separate - I will eventually find someone else and marry and will have a new "daddy" for him - if Mathias lives with us, I would want him to view this new man as the daddy "male figure" that he will have at home - vice versa, if Mathias would go live with Julio and a "wife" wouldn't she be called "mommy"

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

wow this is crazy-i think you guys should have a little talk

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

call jerry springer

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Hi Murdoc,

I was just about to reply to your post and say what a great daddy he is and that Mathias loves him very much and that I do notice he tries being a family man, and I like that, when there is a knock on the door - Julio came with a police officer.

I ask Julio what are his plans - what's goin on? he tells me he doesn't want to talk about it and that I will be hearing from the police in a couple of days!!!
he gets some clothes and leaves.

I don't know what he is doing, but something so small that happened yesterday is such a big fiasco now....

we usually have a good time, some nights we go for walks around the block the 3 of us and we do things together, I don't know why he acted so controlling last night.

I think he's got too much pressure and can't handle the responsibility, and wants to get away from it all. Like right now.

If someone could help him analyze things - that would be great - it worries me that he is going to these extremes.

If he doesn't want to live with me - he should just tell me - no one is holding him hostage here. Maybe he no longer loves me - we had plans on getting married next year "JULY 1 2005" - maybe this is what has scared him away....

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

I skimmed through alot of this ---- because it's way too much reading for me right now, but my one word of advice to both of you is STOP CALLING THE ------- COPS. God damn it, why do women do that? Is it that bad that you had to resort to calling the cops? That's how guys get their lives fucked up. One phone call to the police and then we have all kinds of charges racked up and a huge list of fines along with court dates and lawyers fees.....yada yada...is that what you want? That isn't going to help anyone. The cops aren't there to help your social life or your marriage. The cops are there to put people in jail. Would that make things better? I've seen way too much of this ---- in my life and it's fucked up. I could be getting my ass kicked by a girl with my hands tied behind my back and she could call the cops on me and my ass would be sitting in jail with domestic violence charges. Knock that ---- off. :-\
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Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

Complex stuff, good luck Maria :-\

Re:Maria replies to Julio
 

i was gonna say that, but kinda thought this was a 1/2 way serious thread, so i didnt. good thing we have people like hotsex on here to take care of that!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++
on the subject, is he on drugs? for real...

~is money an issue? i used to go nuts on my wife when we would be all behind on bills and ----,people would call the house, and that would really set me off on her. and we talked about things, and got things back under control. no big deal, just another day. life is full of problems. you just learn to deal with them.

~i dont think hes scared. when people live together, then get married, it doesnt really change the household any does it, other than "your married". so i dont know why he would be scared.