---- my life
02-13-2009, 05:33 PM
#11
1.0 BAR
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 299
Re: ---- my life
Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML
waffle LOL!!
waffle LOL!!
02-13-2009, 05:56 PM
#14
0.0 BAR
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 0
Re: ---- my life
Today, I was reading an article about girls who have low self-esteem and end up whoring around to feel better. When I finished, I realized it was actually written by my best friend. The girl in the article was me. FML
Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night. I was still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out she opens her eyes and says "Oh, it's you." Then gets up and walks out. FML.
Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML
Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML
Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night. I was still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out she opens her eyes and says "Oh, it's you." Then gets up and walks out. FML.
Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML
Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML
02-13-2009, 06:47 PM
#16
1.0 BAR
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 621
Re: ---- my life
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML
Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML
Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML
02-13-2009, 08:46 PM
#17
0.0 BAR
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 0
Re: ---- my life
Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML
Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "---- you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "---- you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
02-14-2009, 12:43 AM
#18
!! UNCONFIRMED EMAIL !!
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,876
Re: ---- my life
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
02-14-2009, 01:02 AM
#19
3.0 BAR
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 5,838
Re: ---- my life
Originally Posted by 1991civicsi
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
02-14-2009, 01:06 AM
#20
3.0 BAR
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Your mom's panties
Posts: 3,696
Re: ---- my life
Originally Posted by Loki
Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML
