Originally Posted by Joseph Davis

You only have one shot at impressing anyone here, don't ---- it up. Follow these instructions carefully:

1) Make an intro aka n00b post. It should consist of:

- Basic info about yourself. If this info exceeds 20 words, start over. You are not that interesting. If you disagree you'd best have tits, -----, and a webcam to convince us.

- Pictures of your car. Include a little information about your ride. Do not tell us about stereos, tuenar rimz, aftermarket plug wires or MSD ignition systems that don't do anything, bodykits, or how you painted the car a neon color so you could get assrammed by gay men. Under no circumstances use the term "JDM." None of these things matter, to us or anyone who has a fast car.

- Post porn. Porn should comprise at least 50% of your n00b post. If you think you have failled in any of the above criteria, or you understand exactly how worthless you are to the average HMTer, then you can save your skin by posting more porn.

- Fresh porn content is a must. We have all seen Raven Reilly. Porn you have made yourself is guaranteed to be fresh. Drag home strange girls every week and make them get freaky for the camera. Getting random women to pose naked or in underwear with "HMT" written on them in Magic Marker is a sure fire way to let people know you're serious about turbochargers. Is your mom a MILF, or your sister hot?

- In fact, don't ever stop posting porn. Start a "{your name here}'s Porn Thread" thread in the Porn/Fab forum and update it every so often.

2) Use the search function before you ask any questions. Caveats and rules of thumb for making threads:

- If you've searched, and have the slightest suspicion that your question is less than worthy, posting porn along with the question can save you.

- Make sure you title the post "NSFW" when you post porn. Pissing off an admin who's surfing HMT at work is a good way to undo any good will you've done by posting the porn.

3) Some people are going to be rude to you for your first year, and/or first few hundred posts. This is normal. Advice on how to deal with this:

- Do not lose your temper; while it is acceptable to be rude back, no one wants to listen to emo whiny-whiny bullshit.

- You are encouraged to not be rude back unless you can do a very good job with it.

- We like to see major ownage; e-stalking of myspace or photobucket accounts leaning to derogatory photoshopping/mspainting of HMTers or their loved ones, and for god's sake keep it fresh - no one wants to hear a plain jane "---- you!," you are performing for an audience so you better have some damn good lines.

4) After your first year and/or first few hundred posts, you find that a large number of people are still rude to you. You find that this does not bother you in the slightest, and in fact you like it a lot.

Welcome home, brother!