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Re:HMT cookbook
Kevin's Special Toast!!
Ingredients: - white bread - toaster - electricity - apple sauce Directions: Take the bag of white bread and undo that little twisty thingy that usually has a bit of metal sticking out, watch out, it may prick you, then we are off to the ER for a Tetnis shot and you get no Special Toast! Twist open the bag and throw away that retarded end piece that nobody even eats anyway, why the hell do they even put 2 of them in there to begin with? I tell you, if I ran the bread industry, I'd be making a lot of dough! Because I have a lot of good ideas...about bread. Next grab however many slices of bread that you want to have, I like 5, um, well, because I'm gettin to be a fatty, and 4 just doesn't sound as cool. Then, plug in your toaster or toaster oven, this is where the electricity comes into play. I know if your like me, then you may have to plug in the toaster every time you want to use it cause when they build houses these days there are never enough outlets in the kitchen, which really isn't a problem for me cause I keep my toaster in the living room, cause you never know. OK, next combine the slices of bread with the toaster and wait until it gets, ummm, how you say, "toasted" to your general liking. I wish the little color graph was a wee bit more accurate, cause I usually pick an auburn brown and my toast ends up a softer chestnut brown, this really agitates me. When the bread has transformed into toast, like a caterpillar into a beautiful auburn brown butterfly, place the toast on a plate, I like to use one of my son's Spiderman plates, boy, you gotta love that web-slinger. Here comes the fun part, open your favorite jar of apple sauce, which by the way, really helps with constipation, not that I'm constipated, but if I was, apple sauce would help out for sure. If you are a weakling and can't get the jar open, run the lid of the jar under some warm water and tap it on the edge of the counter to break it lose. Whoa!, Ah-nold, not so hard, you're gonna bust the jar and a shard of glass may fly right into your eye and then we're right back at the ER for eye surgery, which might be cool, cause then maybe you could get a glass eye, which is weird cause you just had glass in your eye. Chicks dig glass eyes, especially when you take it out and put it in their drink and they don't see it until they are drinking it and it looks up at them. On second thought, just be careful with your glass jars from now on. Finally ------ a heaping amount of apple sauce on your toast, and voila! You have Kevin's Special Toast! What the hell does "voila" mean any way? What a stupid word. If you can make this recipe, then you are well on your way to having your own cooking show n your local cable access channel, probably between the hours of 1:45am and 3:20am, but nonetheless you'd be a local celebrity and you would give mad shout outs and props to Kevin, which is me, not Projekteg, he's gay, I'm not. |
Re:HMT cookbook
^ LMFAO.. that post owned ;D
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Re:HMT cookbook
For use bachelor type spam is your friend. You can mix that fucker mac n cheese, saimin, plain with rice.
Fried saimin -couple of bags of Ramen (saimin) -spam or whatever kind of meat you like, because if you don't eat meat youre a ------ pansy. Heh -eggs -frozen veggies if you want Cook the ramen like normal, except don't put the seasoning packet in yet. When its done, drain half the water and throw the seasoning in. Make sure that crap is all dissolved. While cooking the ramen, cook that meat. When the meat's cooked, throw the noodles in the pan, with the broth. Cook the broth down and throw your veggies in. Oh if you're a ------ moron, don't forget to have the eggs cooked, and throw those in too. Scrambled works the best. Now when it looks pretty edible, eat that ----! And remember to drink a couple cans of beer with that. Cus if you don't then you may still be a pansy. |
Re:HMT cookbook
super good and super easy IF YOU HAVE THE INGREDIENTS
easy chicken marsala marsala cookin wine chicken mushrooms flour olive oil balsamic vinegar put however much you see fit in a pot, just make sure its a lot of the cooking wine, just throw the flour in the pan to make the sauce thicker, add water if too thick... let that cook, when the chickens done, you're done... easy clean up too - one pot |
Re:HMT cookbook
Originally Posted by blackcivic44
super good and super easy IF YOU HAVE THE INGREDIENTS
easy chicken marsala marsala cookin wine chicken mushrooms flour olive oil balsamic vinegar put however much you see fit in a pot, just make sure its a lot of the cooking wine, just throw the flour in the pan to make the sauce thicker, add water if too thick... let that cook, when the chickens done, you're done... easy clean up too - one pot Man, you need alot more for the marsala than that if you want it to taste good. Use to make marsala in the last kitchen i worked in, some alfredo sauce, au jour, garlic, marinara, marsala, salt, pepper, butter, and BAM, throw in some mushrooms and pour over grilled chicken. Oh yeah, flour or starch water to thicken it up. |
Re:HMT cookbook
Here we go.. the quiche is in the oven.. I have a bunch of people over right now and they are drunk & hungry.
This recipe makes two quiches and I'm pretty much using what I have lying around the pantry/freezer. Start out with these ingredients: -2 frozen piecrusts -1 onion (whatever style) -1 clove garlic -1 8oz can sliced mushrooms (or 1 pound fresh) -1 pound (block) cheddar cheese -8 ounce jar of artichoke hearts (get 4 fresh hearts if they are in season) -small tub of cream cheese (optional) -some heavy whipping cream (substitute with milk) -eggs The above ingredients are "universal" as in both the quiches that I'm making will split everything above. ------------------------------------------------------------ QUICHE NUMBER 1 Spinach + Bacon -pound or so of bacon (or sausage) -frozen brick of spinach QUICHE NUMBER 2 Crab Meat + Baby Clams -Half pound of crab meat or Package of frozen imitation crab meat ;) -8 oz can of baby clams ------------------------------------------------------------ I had two people helping me doing various things so you may pick whatever order you want. Open up whatever cans you are using and drain them. Whatever frozen items you have (spinach or imitation crab meat) and cook whatever meats needed - like bacon. I had a little bit over a half pound of bacon remaining but it was all good. Remember that spinach retains lots of moisture so you will have to soak it all out with paper towels after cooking. The key here is dropping whatever water content these foods have to nothing. ------------------------------------------------------------ Cutting board action needed: First slice up your onion - thin and then quarter the pieces. Slice mushrooms if needed. Take the clove of garlic and remove the skin (always a bitch on your thumb nails) then slice it up nice and thin. Take the artichoke hearts and slice them up into small bite sized pieces. Use half of every item you just cut up and throw into the frying pan. Sautee with butter (or virgin olive oil for you health nuts) on low heat until onions are translucent and most of everything is browned. Don't forget that mushrooms carry lots of water and need to be freed of that moisture. Throw it all into a bowl and then do the same thing to the other half of universal ingredients. Throw that into a separate bowl. ------------------------------------------------------------ Grade the cheese into large or small pieces, divide into two. Take 4 eggs and beat them up with your whisk (since I know everyone has one of these things ::) ). Add salt and pepper to your own tasting and throw some Louisiana hot sauce if you like. Do this again for quiche #2. ------------------------------------------------------------ Heat the oven up to 350 ------------------------------------------------------------ Take the one bowl of sautéed items, one bowl of scrambled eggs and bacon and *dried* spinach into one large bowl and mix it up. Stir in about an ounce or two of whipping cream into the bowl. Blend end the half pound of cheese into the mix as well. Throw all the ingredients of master bowl number one that you just made into the frozen piecrust. You want about a quarter inch of crust remaining cause the eggs will rise. If the level is a bit shallow then go ahead and beat another egg and mix it into the piecrust. Take about 6 small (half teaspoon sized) chunks of cream cheese and hide it underneath the surface of the top of the mixture in various spots. ******** Repeat the above process with the crabmeat + baby clams, bowl mixture and everything else just mentioned. OFF TO THE OVEN WITH BOTH QUICHES. You will cook them for roughly 40 minutes.. maybe more if your oven is shitty. Wait for them to turn light brown on top and you're able to stick a knife in them and it comes out clean. Throw them into the freezer and let them firm up. Serve ;D Enjoy people. -Ryan |
Re:HMT cookbook
Update, the quiche is out and being served. ;)
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Re:HMT cookbook
Originally Posted by quadnie
Here we go.. the quiche is in the oven.. I have a bunch of people over right now and they are drunk & hungry.
This recipe makes two quiches and I'm pretty much using what I have lying around the pantry/freezer. Start out with these ingredients: -2 frozen piecrusts -1 onion (whatever style) -1 clove garlic -1 8oz can sliced mushrooms (or 1 pound fresh) -1 pound (block) cheddar cheese -8 ounce jar of artichoke hearts (get 4 fresh hearts if they are in season) -small tub of cream cheese (optional) -some heavy whipping cream (substitute with milk) -eggs The above ingredients are "universal" as in both the quiches that I'm making will split everything above. ------------------------------------------------------------ QUICHE NUMBER 1 Spinach + Bacon -pound or so of bacon (or sausage) -frozen brick of spinach QUICHE NUMBER 2 Crab Meat + Baby Clams -Half pound of crab meat or Package of frozen imitation crab meat ;) -8 oz can of baby clams ------------------------------------------------------------ I had two people helping me doing various things so you may pick whatever order you want. Open up whatever cans you are using and drain them. Whatever frozen items you have (spinach or imitation crab meat) and cook whatever meats needed - like bacon. I had a little bit over a half pound of bacon remaining but it was all good. Remember that spinach retains lots of moisture so you will have to soak it all out with paper towels after cooking. The key here is dropping whatever water content these foods have to nothing. ------------------------------------------------------------ Cutting board action needed: First slice up your onion - thin and then quarter the pieces. Slice mushrooms if needed. Take the clove of garlic and remove the skin (always a bitch on your thumb nails) then slice it up nice and thin. Take the artichoke hearts and slice them up into small bite sized pieces. Use half of every item you just cut up and throw into the frying pan. Sautee with butter (or virgin olive oil for you health nuts) on low heat until onions are translucent and most of everything is browned. Don't forget that mushrooms carry lots of water and need to be freed of that moisture. Throw it all into a bowl and then do the same thing to the other half of universal ingredients. Throw that into a separate bowl. ------------------------------------------------------------ Grade the cheese into large or small pieces, divide into two. Take 4 eggs and beat them up with your whisk (since I know everyone has one of these things ::) ). Add salt and pepper to your own tasting and throw some Louisiana hot sauce if you like. Do this again for quiche #2. ------------------------------------------------------------ Heat the oven up to 350 ------------------------------------------------------------ Take the one bowl of sautéed items, one bowl of scrambled eggs and bacon and *dried* spinach into one large bowl and mix it up. Stir in about an ounce or two of whipping cream into the bowl. Blend end the half pound of cheese into the mix as well. Throw all the ingredients of master bowl number one that you just made into the frozen piecrust. You want about a quarter inch of crust remaining cause the eggs will rise. If the level is a bit shallow then go ahead and beat another egg and mix it into the piecrust. Take about 6 small (half teaspoon sized) chunks of cream cheese and hide it underneath the surface of the top of the mixture in various spots. ******** Repeat the above process with the crabmeat + baby clams, bowl mixture and everything else just mentioned. OFF TO THE OVEN WITH BOTH QUICHES. You will cook them for roughly 40 minutes.. maybe more if your oven is shitty. Wait for them to turn light brown on top and you're able to stick a knife in them and it comes out clean. Throw them into the freezer and let them firm up. Serve ;D Enjoy people. -Ryan From your novels about jailhouse sex toys, to nice sunday dinners.. your one versatile ----------er! -Ryan |
Re:HMT cookbook
;D
HA! Thanks dude.. I do love to cook and it just so happens that I have a full house tonight (well it's thinning out right about now). I plan to goto culinary arts school here in the next year. It took me 45 minutes to write that damn essay.. what I do is make it up in my head as I go along as I cook. Then I have to reverse my steps to make it all out to a recipe.. that's about the hardest part. I hate following recipes :P |
Re:HMT cookbook
Originally Posted by quadnie
what I do is make it up in my head as I go along as I cook. good work. |
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