HMT cookbook
 

I got hte idea from another post, and seeing most of us are single or at school or cant cook a bag of popcorn in hte microwave we need to throw something together. start posting!! ;D

Re:HMT cookbook
 

----, that ---- just burns every time! ;)

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didn't get to the quiche tonight.. maybe tomorrow and I'll be sure to write down what randomness I throw in. I also have a lasagna recipe that I recenetly butchered with too much pepper :(

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fast, cheep, and easy...........like your mom.

Ghetto Sketti
1 pack Top Ramen
1 jar Prego sauce
Cook Ramen as directed. Take the season package and toss that ---- out. Add enough Prego to coat the noodles and ta-da you have Ghetto Sketti.

Re:HMT cookbook
 

HEINEKEN CHICKEN©

INGREDIENTS:
1 bottle of kc masterpiece lemon pepper marinade©
1 12 oz. bottle of heineken beer©
2 oz. of any type of ranch dressing
1 tsp. of pepper
1 dash of salt


DIRECTIONS:
empty 1/2 of the bottle of marinade, 2 oz. of ranch dressing, 1/3 of the 12 oz. bottle of beer (add more if you like), 1 tsp. of pepper, and one dash of salt in to a tupper ware container or heavy duty zip loc bag. stir/shake/mix thouroughly. next take 3-4 large boneless/skinless chicken breasts and puncture repeatedly with a fork or knife (imagine you're steve and the chicken is ryan), then marinate for at least 30 minutes in the fridge, but as long as up to 24 hrs.

note: best if cooked on a grill or foreman, but can be baked in the oven also.




this recipe taken from COOKIN' WITH TEG©

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here is a truely ghetto chinese food recipe that worked well for me in undergrad b/c rice fills you up so much (and I lived across the street from a chinese place). This will work with other soups as well.

1. buy a quart of wonton soup (something like $1.50)
2. Use the broth from the soup to cook a cup or two of rice
3. mix the rice with the wontons leftover (you can chop them up a bit)
4. eat.

5. Bonus- if the place you ordered the soup from gives you the bag of fried noodles, crunch them bitches up and throw them in there too!

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this is one of my favorites...

Beer can chicken.

this is to be grilled.

ingredents,
1. whole chicken
2. 1 CAN of your favorite beer.
3. salt, pepper, + your favorite seasonings, (i like to use tony's the cajon stuff)
4. 1 clove garlic, and some onion(chopped)


directions,
(light the grill over low heat, or start your charcol) you wanna get the grill to 250 degreese, max.

1. drink half of the can of beer.
2. put inside the beer can, the seasonings, and the garlic and the onion(of coarse chop the onion first)
3. put the can inside the chicken, in the hole. leave it standing up, meaning dont let the beer spill out of the can.
4. then transfer the chicken with the beer can in it, to the grill, and make the fucker stand up on the grill. this is how it sits on the grill as it cooks.

grill it for about 2.5 hours over low heat. no turning needed because its standing up. the beer will boil, the vapors going into the chicken. the chicken will be so incredably moist.

lots of people may already know this receipe but its ------ good, its one of those things where you can grill, and drink beer, its a good sunday afternoon thing to do.

this ---- is good! ;)

edit
I put no seasoning on the outside, as the seasoning boil with the beer and cook from the inside out, rather than cook from the outside in. ;)

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it's about to be good on a wednesday evening thing to do ;D i just got a dank ass weber grill and i've been grilling out every night, now i have something differnt to try, ------- t bones and ny strips were gettin expensive :P

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2 words KRAFT DINNER :)

1 3/4 cups of HOT water.

microwave w/ pasta in a decent size bowl for 9 min, stir every 3 min.
No straining required, add cheese mix, 2 tbsp of margarine or butter. 1/4cup milk (if no milk is available substitue for a little bit of water, keep adding until desired consistancy acheived).

Basically follow the damn directions for microwave on the box! lol.

booya!

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Jeff had a nice writeup back in the day about a tuna fish sandwich...

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yes, that def. needs to dug up out of the archives :-X

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lol hows the tuna? i'll have the tuna, no crust :P

next we need hmt's favortie drinks

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or
"how to make your own brew" -this is my next hobby.

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found it 8)

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not to ruin the cook book, but 2000 posts!






im a proud post -----.

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Here is alittle County Jail HOuse Recipe for you cheap ass single live alone HMT nukkas...

Get a big ass Plastic bag
2-3 Top Ramen bags of noodles ( choose our favorite)
Potato Chips of your choice
HAM/BOLOGNA/or anything you usually use in a sandwhich..even tuna!
and some bread

JAIL HOUSE ------ is what they call it so here goes...

Get your 2 0r 3 bags of top ramnen, beats the ---- outta them till its all broken up. then put it inside your big ass plastic bag. Pour some hot ass waer in their..let that ---- cook. them pour out the eccess (sp) water and gather all your goodies like chips, ham, jelly whatever you want. Put that ---- in the bad and mix it in well. next open up your bag on the table or the hood of your car, depending where you like to eat... get some bread and voala! you got some ganster ass ------ that you can share with your buddies or inmates....this will assure your ass wont get tampered with at home or in your local cell block!

enjoy you ------- convicts!!!

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Here is my favorite recipe:

• Get off your lazy ass.
• Get in your vehicle.
• Drive to Del Taco.
• Order what you want.
• Drive your lazy ass home.
• Eat.
• Throw bag away.

Sometimes I like to add a little "Stop at store and get 12 pack of favorite beer" and sometimes I like to mix it up and take the easy way out:

• Pick up phone.
• Call Pizza Hut.
• Wait for pizza.
• Pay pizza delivery guy.
• Eat pizza.

I like to have variety in my life so sometimes I replace "Drive to Del Taco" with "Drive to McDonalds" or instead of "Call Pizza Hut" I substitute for "Call Papa Johns".
__________________
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Re:HMT cookbook
 

one more, add salsa to mac and cheese.



another classic.

Re:HMT cookbook
 

Vietnamese food: Thit Kho (Teet-Caw)

-Beef cubes or cut beef into bite-sized cubes
-Green onion (1 stick per pound)
-Sugar
-Salt
-Pepper
-Soy Sauce
-Fish sauce

marinade the beef overnight in 6 TBSB of fish sauce, 6 TBSP of soy sauce, 2 sticks of diced green onion, 2 TBSP of sugar, 2 TBSP of salt, 2 TBSP of pepper, for 2+ hours per 2 lbs. beef.

Pour everything into a pot, and add an additional 6 TBSP of soy sauce, 4 TBSP of fish sauce, and 1 TBSP of each salt, pepper and sugar. Then, fill pot with water untill there's 1/2 of water above the beef. Put a lid on the pot, and simmer over medium heat for 2 hours. Serve with rice, and you're good ta go

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check this poor mans meal out

poor mans oysters,
1 can of oysters
1 coctain (you should already know who to make this)
1 good crackers

slap that ---- together and it will be great. I used to do this alot when I had some money.

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hooked up mac and cheese
1 kraft mac and cheese( dont get the off brand ----)
1 can of rotel
1 tony's spice

cook the mac anc cheese like always. after finishing open the can of rotel from the bottom, this is where all the hot tomatoes are at. then sprinkle the hot tomatoes on that ----.. next add some tony's spice (green can) and you got yourself one dam fine meal or stupid cheap.

----------------------------------------------------------

The easiest, get you some pizza sauce (AKA prego traditional) and some toast.

If you feel a little bit more motivated, make a grilled cheese and dip it in the prego or put prego in the center.

----------------------------------------------------------


I got all the ghetto /I'm poor as ---- reciepts. I wish I could remeber them..

Nick

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Good for you but this thread isnt for the peopole who hate their jobs and dont like to clean.

This thread is to help others who cant figure out what the ---- to eat or make at home...remember..some of us live alone ar not married AND MOST OF ALL ARE ------- FROM HMT!!!!

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wait why dont you ask quadnie to write a big ------- paragraph explaing it. i have no problem with any of you realy. seeing as how none of you can take a ------- joke, or say how you feel I guess i wont be posting here anymore. have fun being assholes who all secretly hold grudges with echother with out saying anything about it.

you all act like this god damn fourm is a corperation that you all have opinions on running and your all so gay and facilitive about it. so have fun being gay you faggots.

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what the ---- was that about...if anyone is getting butt hurt its you you dumb ----! :P

how about you learn to take jokes and we'll learn to dish em out....good luck with your job at KFC b uddy...you gonna need it...No offense Kyle :P wait you dont work for KFC your a butcher..i forget....

Re:HMT cookbook
 

WTF, this was a good thread. keep it going!


did anyone forget about foods like spagetti O's!

dam. next year in college, im probably gonna use all these recipes. i eat like a ------ king now. im always cookin/grilling something. good ---- to. next year its gonna be whatever I can cook on the forman or the "hot eye" or the rice cooker.


in iraq we ate the ---- out of rice and ramen noodles. i think that has already been mentioned though.

Re:HMT cookbook
 

Wow, someone over-reacted a bit? This is a General discussion thread, anything goes. I simply have one rule here and its no gay porn. I dont see anything wrong with this thread at all. I personally cannot cook, and I think its pretty cool to check out what some people have to say about different kinds of foods and how to make them. If you cook all day and dont want to read about this ----, then simply dont read it? Why act like a little bitch and go off on everyone?

Jeff

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*to add to what jeff said*


no ----. and you knew the thread had to do with cooking. look at the ------ title. dumbass.

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Heres a snack I like to make when there are parties:

Ritz Pizza Bites:
-2 Boxes Ritz crackers
-2 bags shredded mozerella cheese (Kraft ownz)
-2 jars of Ragu pizza sauce

Self explanatory, fill up a tray with Ritz and put a good dose of sauce on each cracker, then some cheese.. Either stick it in the oven for 30 seconds on medium high, or in the oven for like, a minute or two.. Comes out better in the oven, and is quicker if you use two trays.

Also, if you like some spice.. put some of the hottest hot sauce you have, and stick it under the cheese, a good 4 or 5 drops. Kind of funny as well to do that to one and see who ends up getting it :P

Take 'em out, give your guests this and some beer and kick back. :P

Re:HMT cookbook
 

yay, 3gse is gone! Man that guy was ------- annoying. Hey who deleted out all the posts insulting me?

Anyways, I'm prepping for the quiche right now, I'll be sure to write down how to do it for you people so you too can feast like champions.

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Cheese Toast Muh Fucka !

- as many peices of bread you need
- toaster
- butter or margarin (sp)
- knife (dipstick will work)
- and cheese wiz

Directions:
- plug toaster in
- put bread into slots
- push lever down to start
- wait for it to pop up
- apply butter/margerin
- wait few seconds
- apply a ---- load of cheese wiz

WOOOOOO ------ LAH ! if you let it sit a few more seconds, it turns nice and gooey, the way it should be :P

theres my contribution :P

Re:HMT cookbook
 

chicken, its whats for dinner.

chicken and mexiacan style mac and cheese.
*ingredents*
boneless chicken breast. about 2-
1 box of mac and cheese, i like to use the velvita ----.
salsa (enough to suit you)
whatever seasonings you like on your chicken.

directions,
1. season chicken
2. start boiling water
3. start to cook your chicken,on a forman grill, charcol, propane, whatever...
4. finish cooking mac and cheese according to the directions on the box.
5. wait for chicken to cook.

serve. then put your salsa on top of the mac and cheese, (or you can put it into the pot where you have the mac and cheese cooking)

it should look something like this.
(this is what I had for dinner tonite)
http://www.newbieforces.com/files/ch...dinner 002.jpg

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Kevin's Special Toast!!

Ingredients:
- white bread
- toaster
- electricity
- apple sauce


Directions:
Take the bag of white bread and undo that little twisty thingy that usually has a bit of metal sticking out, watch out, it may prick you, then we are off to the ER for a Tetnis shot and you get no Special Toast!
Twist open the bag and throw away that retarded end piece that nobody even eats anyway, why the hell do they even put 2 of them in there to begin with? I tell you, if I ran the bread industry, I'd be making a lot of dough! Because I have a lot of good ideas...about bread.
Next grab however many slices of bread that you want to have, I like 5, um, well, because I'm gettin to be a fatty, and 4 just doesn't sound as cool.
Then, plug in your toaster or toaster oven, this is where the electricity comes into play. I know if your like me, then you may have to plug in the toaster every time you want to use it cause when they build houses these days there are never enough outlets in the kitchen, which really isn't a problem for me cause I keep my toaster in the living room, cause you never know.
OK, next combine the slices of bread with the toaster and wait until it gets, ummm, how you say, "toasted" to your general liking. I wish the little color graph was a wee bit more accurate, cause I usually pick an auburn brown and my toast ends up a softer chestnut brown, this really agitates me.
When the bread has transformed into toast, like a caterpillar into a beautiful auburn brown butterfly, place the toast on a plate, I like to use one of my son's Spiderman plates, boy, you gotta love that web-slinger.
Here comes the fun part, open your favorite jar of apple sauce, which by the way, really helps with constipation, not that I'm constipated, but if I was, apple sauce would help out for sure. If you are a weakling and can't get the jar open, run the lid of the jar under some warm water and tap it on the edge of the counter to break it lose. Whoa!, Ah-nold, not so hard, you're gonna bust the jar and a shard of glass may fly right into your eye and then we're right back at the ER for eye surgery, which might be cool, cause then maybe you could get a glass eye, which is weird cause you just had glass in your eye. Chicks dig glass eyes, especially when you take it out and put it in their drink and they don't see it until they are drinking it and it looks up at them. On second thought, just be careful with your glass jars from now on.
Finally ------ a heaping amount of apple sauce on your toast, and voila! You have Kevin's Special Toast!
What the hell does "voila" mean any way? What a stupid word. If you can make this recipe, then you are well on your way to having your own cooking show n your local cable access channel, probably between the hours of 1:45am and 3:20am, but nonetheless you'd be a local celebrity and you would give mad shout outs and props to Kevin, which is me, not Projekteg, he's gay, I'm not.

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^ LMFAO.. that post owned ;D

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For use bachelor type spam is your friend. You can mix that fucker mac n cheese, saimin, plain with rice.

Fried saimin

-couple of bags of Ramen (saimin)
-spam or whatever kind of meat you like, because if you don't eat meat youre a ------ pansy. Heh
-eggs
-frozen veggies if you want

Cook the ramen like normal, except don't put the seasoning packet in yet. When its done, drain half the water and throw the seasoning in. Make sure that crap is all dissolved. While cooking the ramen, cook that meat. When the meat's cooked, throw the noodles in the pan, with the broth. Cook the broth down and throw your veggies in. Oh if you're a ------ moron, don't forget to have the eggs cooked, and throw those in too. Scrambled works the best. Now when it looks pretty edible, eat that ----! And remember to drink a couple cans of beer with that. Cus if you don't then you may still be a pansy.

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super good and super easy IF YOU HAVE THE INGREDIENTS

easy chicken marsala

marsala cookin wine
chicken
mushrooms
flour
olive oil
balsamic vinegar

put however much you see fit in a pot, just make sure its a lot of the cooking wine, just throw the flour in the pan to make the sauce thicker, add water if too thick... let that cook, when the chickens done, you're done... easy clean up too - one pot

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Man, you need alot more for the marsala than that if you want it to taste good. Use to make marsala in the last kitchen i worked in, some alfredo sauce, au jour, garlic, marinara, marsala, salt, pepper, butter, and BAM, throw in some mushrooms and pour over grilled chicken. Oh yeah, flour or starch water to thicken it up.

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Here we go.. the quiche is in the oven.. I have a bunch of people over right now and they are drunk & hungry.

This recipe makes two quiches and I'm pretty much using what I have lying around the pantry/freezer.

Start out with these ingredients:

-2 frozen piecrusts
-1 onion (whatever style)
-1 clove garlic
-1 8oz can sliced mushrooms (or 1 pound fresh)
-1 pound (block) cheddar cheese
-8 ounce jar of artichoke hearts (get 4 fresh hearts if they are in season)
-small tub of cream cheese (optional)
-some heavy whipping cream (substitute with milk)
-eggs

The above ingredients are "universal" as in both the quiches that I'm making will split everything above.

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QUICHE NUMBER 1
Spinach + Bacon
-pound or so of bacon (or sausage)
-frozen brick of spinach

QUICHE NUMBER 2
Crab Meat + Baby Clams
-Half pound of crab meat or Package of frozen imitation crab meat ;)
-8 oz can of baby clams

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I had two people helping me doing various things so you may pick whatever order you want.

Open up whatever cans you are using and drain them. Whatever frozen items you have (spinach or imitation crab meat) and cook whatever meats needed - like bacon. I had a little bit over a half pound of bacon remaining but it was all good. Remember that spinach retains lots of moisture so you will have to soak it all out with paper towels after cooking. The key here is dropping whatever water content these foods have to nothing.

------------------------------------------------------------

Cutting board action needed:

First slice up your onion - thin and then quarter the pieces. Slice mushrooms if needed. Take the clove of garlic and remove the skin (always a bitch on your thumb nails) then slice it up nice and thin. Take the artichoke hearts and slice them up into small bite sized pieces.

Use half of every item you just cut up and throw into the frying pan. Sautee with butter (or virgin olive oil for you health nuts) on low heat until onions are translucent and most of everything is browned. Don't forget that mushrooms carry lots of water and need to be freed of that moisture. Throw it all into a bowl and then do the same thing to the other half of universal ingredients. Throw that into a separate bowl.

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Grade the cheese into large or small pieces, divide into two.

Take 4 eggs and beat them up with your whisk (since I know everyone has one of these things ::) ). Add salt and pepper to your own tasting and throw some Louisiana hot sauce if you like. Do this again for quiche #2.

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Heat the oven up to 350

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Take the one bowl of sautéed items, one bowl of scrambled eggs and bacon and *dried* spinach into one large bowl and mix it up. Stir in about an ounce or two of whipping cream into the bowl. Blend end the half pound of cheese into the mix as well.

Throw all the ingredients of master bowl number one that you just made into the frozen piecrust. You want about a quarter inch of crust remaining cause the eggs will rise. If the level is a bit shallow then go ahead and beat another egg and mix it into the piecrust. Take about 6 small (half teaspoon sized) chunks of cream cheese and hide it underneath the surface of the top of the mixture in various spots.


********
Repeat the above process with the crabmeat + baby clams, bowl mixture and everything else just mentioned.

OFF TO THE OVEN WITH BOTH QUICHES.

You will cook them for roughly 40 minutes.. maybe more if your oven is shitty. Wait for them to turn light brown on top and you're able to stick a knife in them and it comes out clean.

Throw them into the freezer and let them firm up.

Serve ;D

Enjoy people.

-Ryan

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Update, the quiche is out and being served. ;)

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Damn! You know everything man!
From your novels about jailhouse sex toys, to nice sunday
dinners.. your one versatile ----------er!
-Ryan

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;D

HA!

Thanks dude.. I do love to cook and it just so happens that I have a full house tonight (well it's thinning out right about now). I plan to goto culinary arts school here in the next year.

It took me 45 minutes to write that damn essay.. what I do is make it up in my head as I go along as I cook. Then I have to reverse my steps to make it all out to a recipe.. that's about the hardest part. I hate following recipes :P

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Haha! yea.. that sounds like you... ;D j/k man...
good work.