My girl just told me this joke and I dont know if its the Absolute laughing or me but I thought it was hilarious

What did the banana say to the vibrator
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Why u shakin -----, shes gonna ------- eat me!!


haha I dunno, made me ------- laugh

 

how do you make a five year old cry twice.......................

wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear

I know its a terrible joke but it was snuck up on me at work................but it still is kinda funny

 

Your probably going to hell for that joke.

 

No, the father said the lord would forgive me...only if..............nevermind...............I SAID I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT NOW SHUT UP!!!

 

When nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.

Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.

"And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a *****?"

"Well," says the first nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger."

"OK," says St. Peter, "dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

The next nun admits, "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit."

"OK," says St. Peter, "rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.

"Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter.

"Well, your excellency," says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her *** in it."

 

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?





















































The girl in my ------- trunk!

 

 

why were there only 10,000 mexicans at the alamo?












they could only get two cars.....lol

i laughed for a good month on that one...---- i still think it's funny

 

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and
while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the
place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them,
then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the
pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and
swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey
just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball
off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats
everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball
and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with
him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the
bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry
on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and
eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your
monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it
out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still
eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue
ball he makes sure everything fits!"

 

very close to gay **** ban