buk9tp

best tuna sandwhich =

tuna
mayo
green onions cut up
salt
pepper
and shredded pepper jack cheese

i prefer it all on rye bread but regular toast is fine

i usually pop the toast into a toaster for a couple secs.. to give you a crunch make it more amusing

if im using rye bread i just toast it over the stove.. keep flipping it till it starts to burn
with or without lettuce.. its bad ***..

dont use store bought shredded pepper jack cheese.. but it in the slices and use a knife to cut it up

inconsistent pepper jack cheese slices are bad ***

drunkinmaster1

im dissapointed
no government cheese

myAE86turbo

pico de gallo is a salsa...hmt style

4 cloves of garlic
1/2 an onion
4 tomatoes
1 bunch of cilantro
4 limes
3 serrano chilis (or whatever peppers you damn want)
kosher salt
black pepper

laid out on newspaper for easy clean up

slice the onion in half, the slice along the root part like this:

...then against ur last cut to cut them into small to medium dice:

then throw that ---- in a bowl
...dice up the tomatoes to the same size and throw that ---- in the bowl too:

dice up the red hot chilli peppers to about 1/8" x 1/8" x 1/8" and drop that ---- in the bowl:

tear the bottoms stems off the cilantro with your hands:

and chop through them ONCE to make them look like this:
then throw that ---- in the bowl
mince (chop to finest) the garlic [nice shot of the DTM knife]:

slice the limes in halves and squeeze into the mixture:

season with KOSHER SALT (iodized salt tastes like ------ chemicals)....hint: add enough so that the flavors get sharper, but not too much so that you taste salt. for this recipe, i use about 1/4-1/3 cup of kosher jew salt.

fresh ground pepper ALWAYS!!!! same rule applies as the salt

mix that ---- with whatever you gots:

cover with plastic and store for the next day's comsumption (so the flavors have time to get aquainted and get sexy and all that ----)

the following day:
break out a bag of ur favorite tortilla chips, liquid gold (green bottle for me) and some hmt NSFW...and ur copastetic!


mangos, pepinos, red onions, avocado and other ---- can be thrown in if you want. use this recipe as a base.


***Stay tuned for the next HMT recipe installement: Fried ice cream

this is for all of you that wanna celebrate big tonite. put away the daily bong and ur pipes for personals. if you smokin with homies, this is the way to go.

mah breezie crashed out on me, so i had to take the pix on my own...excuse the fucked up focus and aiming.

-As demonstrated:

1 dime sack of Pake-lolo (hawaiian for ganja)...u can use more, i'm just using half a dub cuz this is going to my head.
1 Swisher sweet, flavor of your choice (mines is strawberry)

I. Take ur bud outta the bag and lay it next to your blunt. admire the team players.


II. Start by breaking up the weed with ur fingers, the finer you break it up, the easier it is to roll. Some peepo use scissors...i dont cuz i dont always have them handy.


III. Once it's all broken up, line up ur weed evenly next to your blunt to gauge it.


IV. Take the blunt outta the wrapper and split it down the center with your thumbnails. Start at the ''lighting end" first and finish at the mouth end (big round end - tapered end). this part takes practice. you can just use a razor blade if you want, but its not guaranteed that you'll always have one handy.


V. Lay out a piece of paper or grab a bag (a wadded up piece of paper is easier to disguise...man i'm high rite now) and carefully empty out that shitty tobacco.




VI. Then you wanna seal both layers of the blunt by wetting the edges with your tongue and pressing it with your lips. do this to both sides. this step is critical. get intimate with this bitch.

this is what you should have so far, notice the dampened edges on the blunte.


VII. Next, sprinkle ur weed in from side to side as evenly as possible. after that, use ur finger to level it all out. this step ensures that you dont get any dips and ur blunt is nice and consistent from end to end.



VIII. This next step is what i like to call, 'Rockin the blunt.'
Position your fingers like so, using your middle fingers as a bottom support, ur index fingers as a frontal/top support and your thumbs as a rear support system. Try putting a pencil or pen in ur hands with this position and practice rolling the pen while keeping ur fingers in this position.


Place the blunt with the mouth end at your right hand and lighting end at your left.


Now with the blunt in place, rock the weed frontwards and backwards with your fingers staying consistently in position. this part also takes practice, but so worth it. the goal is to use the blunt to form ur pake-lolo into a cylindrical shape. the better quality (stickier) herb you got, the easier this step will be. if you got weed that has the properties of some green herb seasoning in your mom's spice rack, leave rolling ---- like that for a time when you're more confident in twistin.



backwards:

Frontwards:

Repeat till the weed is intact in a nice pencil shape.

IX. Once you're done rockin it, tuck the middle end that towards you underneath the other end, like so:


then start tucking the mouth end in first, and lick the overlapping blunt wrap portion to seal that ---- shut and press it over the underlying portion of the wrap. be firm but gentle when doing this step. Go from right to left, try not to ruin ur cylindrical shape that you just created.


close to the end:


X. Here's a step that'll help prevent a 'run.' I tuck in the end, also so that the weed doesnt fall out the front. Lick the lighting end around the end. i just place it on my tongue and twist it around till the end is moist.


First tuck inward the smoking end with your pinky nail where the two edges meet.


then proceed to go around and tuck the rest of the edges inward.



it should look sealed like this when you're done


XI. Here's the most key step in preventing a run. Take your lighter and run in along the side of the blunt that you licked to seal it. go back and forth till you think you dried up ur saliva.



XII. Take a moment to look at what you've created.



...Suddenly i felt a tap on my shoulder. WTF?!?! Its gangsta-ma!!!!


I warned her that this ---- was no joke! i dont think she's smoked chronic b4. But its hard to say NO to your elders. ----, i wanted to have this all to myself. i let her hit it once.


XIII. Make sure you light the end you tucked in.


XIV. Lastly, kick ur feet up and indulge.




when finished, throw a fried ice cream ball in the fryer...pair some chips with your boosted salsa...or grub on some fajitas. cuz you're gonna be marvin [Starvin Marvin] in no time.


this is how we did in culinary school. two put together: ''the belajitter''





Next recipe: back to food. Bananas Foster









Your basic chicken fah-jeye-tuh [Peter Griffin] recipe:

3 large chicken *******, breasts
1 red bell pepper
1 green bell pepper
1 orange bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
10 flour tortillas
s&p (kosher n fresh cracked)
4 oz. Chivas Regal Whiskey (substitute JD, Hennessey or whatever the ---- you want)
12 oz. Heineken green bottle

I. Lay out your ***** and drizzle olive oil on one side. then hit it with some kosher salt and fresh cracked pepper (breezie cracked the pepper for me). do the same for the other side as well.


II. Preset your oven to 300. wrap your tortillas in a double layer of foil and throw em in the ------ hot box.


III. Get ur veggies out and pick the garlic as the first vicim.

smash the cloves with the flat end of ur knife and peel the skins off.

mince the garlic up. larger chunks = lesser garlic flavor < smaller chunks = greater garlic flavor. get it?



take the onion and bisect it down the middle of the root, and peel the outer layer of skin off. Then, cut the root ends off.

two onion halves and my left foot.


---- ---- ----!! during this whole ----, the vegetable slicing tuturiol pix got deleted! ----!....----. ZC pretty much, i cut along the ''grain'' of the onion at an angle to make cresent like slices. think of like, wedges of an orange. that's what you wanna acheive. as far as the bell peppers go, try your damn best to cut them into strips. then, throw all that ---- in a bowl!!

damn i was pissed. so i poured two shots of whiskey (and green bottle chaser) for me and the downest person at 115 in the a.m. In this case it was my 94 yr old g-ma. g-ma's gangsta...she dont need a chaser.

''TO FINISHING THIS ------- RECIPE WRITE UP/LUNCH!!!"

BOTTOMS UP!


continuing on....

IV. Heat up a pan with like 3 tablespoons of oil in it at a really high heat (for really thick chicken *******). I heat up my pan really hot cuz it's aluminum (less residual heat), but if you have a steel pan or griddle, keep the heat mild and steady. once the pan is smokin hot, place the ***** neatly in the pan.



check the first breast you put down, and if it's golden brown...flip it over.

do the rest of em once the time is due


V. Once both sides are golden brown, put the **** on a sheet pan. or if the pan you cooked em in is oven safe, just keep them in the pan. either way, just put the ***** ****** in the 300 degree oven to cook the insides of the *****.


while you're cooking the chicken to an internal boob temp of 138 degrees you're gonna cook the veggies.

VI. If you used a sheet pan or something, use the same pan from the chicken to cook ur veggies. if not, just throw the garlic in a pan with some oil.

then before the garlic starts to brown, throw in the rest of the veggies.

Season the veggies with fresh cracked pepper and kosher salt

while you're cooking this vegetable mix, bite 1 of each of the different kinds and stop cooking them once they get to a consistency that YOU feel is good to eat in ur fajita. you can cook it a lil so that you have really crunchy-crisp veggies, or cook it too all hell full boost so that you end up with limp veggies.

VII. Once the tata's are cooked on the inside or it's juices run clear or the insides aren't raw or they've reached the internal boob temp of 138 degrees. what the ---- ever. let them rest for like 2 min so the juices inside can settle down. then, slice them like so.


VII. Put the cooked veggies to one side of a large platter and the sliced chicken on the other side. like so.


VIII. Pull your tortillas out. Serve with your favorite hot sauce (for this, Tapatio tire hat) and liquid gold (again, green bottle).




You can damn well use flank/skirt steak if you want. i think it's better when you use flank steak. but all i had was chicken, sucky for me. just cook the steak the same way, but instead of putting it in an oven, put the steaks inside a double layer of foil to keep em hot.


Stay tuned for the next installment of HMT recipes: ''How to...




u prolly read the topic of subject and said ''WTF?" well, here it is....

you'll need:
Ice cream (whatever flavor or type)
bread crumbs or crumbled corn flakes
ice cream scoop
frozen sheet tray or dinner plate or 'whatever the ---- you have'
plastic wrap
vegetable oil
pot for cooking


you can use any ice cream you want. my favorite type of ice cream is Gelato (italian ice cream). i used the green tea flavor i picked up from Trader Joes.


you'll need an ice cream scoop and a sheet pan or plate or piece of slate...pretty much whatever the ---- you have. and with 'whatever the ---- you have' make sure it's cold from being in the freezer.
Scoop out ur cream and shape them into *****, or cubes...whatever the ---- you want

scoop out how many you're gonna use and place it on that cold ---- of 'whatever the ---- you have.' i made mine into the shape of *****. cover them and put them back in the freezer for a minimum of 5 hours.


next, crack an egg or two, mix it up and put it in a bowl. at the same time, put bread crumbs or broken up corn flakes in a bowl as well. these will be used for batter.


once your ice cream (shaped) has been in the freezer for at least 5 hrs., dip them in the 'egg wash' then the bread crumbs/corn flakes and put them back on the sheet pan/'whatever the ---- you have' and cover it with plastic wrap. then put it back in the freezer for at least another 5 hours.


repeat the dipping/batter step so that you coat the ice cream 3 times!!

then, fill a pot (lol, i said POT) with enough vegetable oil to cover you're ice cream thinggy. and get something to hold ur ice cream thinggy with...here, i used a potato masher. you can use a strainer or whatever the ---- you want.



this is what the fried ice cream ball looked like immediately before i dropped it in the frying oil.


before you fry this *****...keep in mind that you wanna make sure you're oil is hella hot (about 350-375 degrees)...and you drop it in the fryer immediately after you get it out of the freezer.



fry the ball/square or whatever shape you made it into for 10 seconds or till it looks golden brown like this:

dab the ball with a paper towel to rid of the oiliness.


eat that ---- and enjoy deep fried frozen goodness!!!!

***if you wanna get creative with it, you can season the dry batter (bread crumbs or corn flakes) with cinnamon, nutmeg sugar or whatever floats ur boat. i demonstrated a plain batter.

*******stay tuned for the next recipe installment: basic chicken fajitas.


and btw, here's a pic of my new HKS intercooler in pieces (need to weld the end tanks). yeah it's kinda dinky i know, but for 150 bucks brand new...size didnt matter. anyone wanna buy a used starion intercooler





Here's the 5 min. recipe you voltures have been asking for....

you need:

-half a banana
-2 tablespoons of brown sugar
-2 tablespoons of butter
-2 tablespoons of your choice of liqour (i used Grand Marnier [french orange cognac] you can use banana liquor most common is rum. make sure it's 35% alcohol or more.

I. Slice the half of the banana in half lengthwise and have all ur ingredients ready on a plate


II. Melt the butter with the sugar in a saute pan and mix



III. Put the bananas in the sauce


IV. take the pan away from the flame and add ur liquor


V. Put the pan back on the flame and tilt the pan towards the flame to ignite the fumes, watch ur hair.


VI. Plate that ---- in a ceramic or heat resistant bowl.


VII. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top


thass it!

Panty drop time: 5 min cooking time, 5 min eating time, 4 seconds panty drop time= 10 min & 4 seconds to punana!




This is good when you have like 1 slice of left over pizza and you wanna stretch it out the next morning.

you need this stuff, 3:1 compression ratio of eggs to pizza slice, garlic, onion (yes you can leave it out u puss), kosher salt, fresh ground black pepper, oil



cut the crust off and cut the slice into strips, then uniform cubes




chop the onion and smash the garlic with your hand knife, whatever, just getrdone


Cook the onion till brown (or 'carmelized') then add the garlic, hint: while the onion is browning whip the eggs in a bowl and try to use a non stick pan!


cook the garlic for a couple of min but dont brown, then add the pizza and season with a pinch of salt and a pinch of fresh ground pepper

cook the pizza until the cheese starts to get stringy and gooey

then add the eggs


take the eggs out when cooked through, serve with your favorite hot sauce or ranch... and.... ZAGAZOW!!

HMT pizza eggs mah ninja!




here's something you can use to impress some women.

Citrus vinaigrette

you need:

lemons
limes
oranges
canola oil or canola/olive oil blend
kosher salt
fresh cracked pepper
sugar

grate the zest off equal amount of the citrus and chop it really fine. i used a microplane but you can use the finest grate on a box grater.



put it into a bowl


squeeze the juice out of the fruits, exclude the seeds


put a damp towel down like this and put the bowl over it


measure out equal amounts of canola oil with the juice


put the zest in a bowl with the juice a pinch of kosher salt, sugar and fresh cracked black pepper. whisk it up and gradually drip and whisk the oil into the juice till all the oil is used


once its all together taste it and add more sugar if it's too acidic. add more salt and pepper if it's bland.

done

the oil and juice is separated in this pic, just like the bottled ---- you can shake this up vigorously so it comes back together before you put it over some greens




NEXT

Red wine vinaigrette with capers, shallots and chives

need:
red wine vinegar
capers chopped super fine
shallot chopped super fine
chives chopped super fine
dijon mustard
canola/canola olive oil blend
kosher salt
fresh cracked pepper

put equal amount of the capers, shallots, chives and dijon into a bowl with some salt and pepper in a bowl


add the vinegar and whisk together


equal amounts of oil and vinegar again


and whisk one into the other just like the first one and adjust accordingly


done...two bomb dressings that will get her to undress...and stay fit for doggie



i suggest dressing mixed greens with these




First one is miso glazed Black Cod. I got these two pieces from the jdm market for 3.50!! if you like sea bass, chilean sea bass, you'll really like this fish. its like, butter...it flakes effortlessly and its like, butter.

need:
shiro miso (white miso)
honey
sake (or water if you dont have it, like me)
sesame oil
black cod

turn on your broiler in the oven

put some miso in the bowl



add honey and taste the mix (till the saltiness if the miso is not too salty and balanced)


add sesame oil (1/3 of the amount of the miso) and add water (or sake) till the mix is viscous (but not too watery) and looks like this


slather both sides of the cod

you can marinate over time if you want


grease some folded up foil to heavy duty status with sesame oil


and put the fish on it and throw it under the broiler


when some of the glaze starts carmelizing or slightly charring its done


serve with rice (all i had was brown rice) raw carrots (some hard texture for contrast since this fish is so delicate and buttery) green onions and edamame


NEXT

Simple seared salmon

salmon filet
kosher salt
fresh cracked pepper

this is just demonstrating technique, there's a ---- load of ways to flavor this...this can be enjoyed with a simple squeeze of lemon and over a salad

preheat the oven to 350 degrees

season both sides of the salmon with salt and pepper


heat up your pan for like 3 min on medium high heat. then heat up your oil (about .25 of and inch deep) for 45 seconds. place it in the pan with the flat side down (not skin side)


watch the color change, when you see that .25 of and inch turn orange take it off the pan. Dont flip!

put it into some folded foil and throw it into the oven for 4-5 min


Done







this ---- is cheap, try it

you need:

fingerling potatoes cut in half lengthwise
shallots
garlic cloves
kosher salt
pepper

preheat your oven to 450 degrees

cut potatoes


cut the shallots



smash garlic cloves with your hand



toss all the stuff in a bowl with olive oil, kosher salt and fresh cracked pepper (you can add fresh herbs if you want ie rosemary, thyme, oregano, weed) and lay the potatoes face down over some folded over foil (i dont like washing dishes)


put the potatoes on the middle rack of the oven and roast them till they look like this (about 35 min)



top it with creme fraische and chives (seen here) or sour cream will do and eat it with a nice medium rare (see the Panty dropper write up by Slos13) steak (like the fat *** new york steak i took home from work)





the female version (with the citrus vinagrette from recipe VIII)

igotnothin

Grany be bithchin.... My Gma would have pulled out a ------- stick and tried to hit me...

But i be ok, cause shes blind....

Darkelvis

chili: https://www.homemadeturbo.com/forum/...topic=100399.0