Post your funniest story here:
 

Post em up, either stories you know, something that happened to you or a friend maybe, give us all some entertainment. ;D

Heres mine:

I dated this one girl for about two years. We were really really close and everything going really well. I found out that she had been cheating on me with one of her friends the guy was a good guy but we werent close at all. After finding out I didnt want to just break up with her, we had a lot of great sex so I didnt want to really lose it right away. I wanted to gradually tranfer over to a new girl first. 8)
So she comes over and we are watching a movie and we start making out and stuff and things get a little heated. We make way to the bedroom and start going at it. After a while she turns around and I am pounding away like hell and I took it out and RAM it right in her azz. She jumps up and slaps me and asks me what the heck I was thinking.
I looked at her and said remember on our second date you said that you had a better chance of getting focked in the azz then to be ever cheat on someone so I figured I would equal things.
We dont talk anymore.

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haha good story, ha ---- happens sometimes.

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I dated this girl a few years ago and it last about a year. But found out she was cheating on for a few months, but i didn't care and the sex wasn't all that. So I found away to ---- w/ her older sister. In a few hours i was ------- her sister and in the same day pick up my girl and fucked her in the back seat of my car.

Months later we broke up not b/c she found out but for some reason i forgot. In 2 years time she was living w/ the guy she cheated me on w/. She called me up to tell me things wasn't working w/ them. I came over at night when he went to work and i fucked her for ol time sake. They had a kid together, but that ---- aint got nothing to do w/ me. A week later i went over to hit it again, but i got tried of it so i stop calling her. The sex wasn't all that. Somethings never change.

Oh ya all ----- isn't the same.

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haha man, good work!!

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---- sex, breakfast of champions.

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haha word :D

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LOL that ---- is mad funny

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so last tuesday I woke up and something was weird. I couldn't roll over so a moved my blanket and I had a boner. It was pretty crazy.

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you know what, yall are a buncha BASTARDS!

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guess what kain... Yall isnt a word :P

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GAH who cares?

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kain, I"m sure you have a story or two when your mom caught you chokin the chicken ;)

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yep it sure does. sometimes my friends tell me their sex stories and i get all pissed and i just say i dont wanna hear it.

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last night i had to drop my sister off at her apartment in brooklyn-so i made her drive there in her car and i would drive it back. We get there switch seats and she had to go run in to get something. I see this kid in a camry come up to this tiny ass spot. I'm across the street with the tinted windows up watching him. This kid sucks at parking he hit the car behind him a ---- load of times. Then his lady gets out and shes hot....she like walks in the middle of the road.
I roll the window down and this kid is still backing up into this car. So naturally i start laughing and i think his girl does too. This kid goes to me "Something funny?" I said yea your hitting the car behind you and it's funny..... then his girl goes over and says something to him and he starts going off like oh he thinks somethings funny yada yada like loud and ---- like a tough guy.
Me being a wise ass...i just kept saying Uh? Whats up? I can't hear you. And he shut up and stopped looking at me.
Oh man if it wasn't cold out i would of hit this kid in the head with the nukka be good stick.
Its really not funny but the fact that everyone likes to act tough - i get off on. I'm not a big kid at all, don't get me wrong-but i was a damn good wrestler in high school and if i put you on your back it's over...i'll just kick you in your head after that...
Whatever i guess you had to be there ;)

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A couple months ago, there were two assclowns in a riced out Camry of all things. Guy kept zooming by me, then slowing down. In response, I applied 2% throttle to make it look like my car was slow. I asked him if he wanted to run and he beeped 3 times or whatever then got on it. I let him get about a car on me and pretended to struggle to catch up. Right when I got next to the passenger window I yelled 'OK GO' and floored it, putting several aircraft carrier lengths on him in a few seconds. Needless to say ~300whp 5spd puts quite a whoopin on an automatic camry. ;) Then the idiot wants a 're-match' like he has a chance.

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Ok so has anyone ever heard of a V-Tec engine made by Chrysler? I am from Indiana, and we sure as hell have some big rednecks trying to make Chyrsler products fast. Yes the SRT-4 is a pretty quick ride, but a Dodge Stratus???? Yes there is a moron driving through Ball State campus in Muncie that drives the one and only V-tec Dodge!! Its an automatic and not even the R/Tversion. He also has it kitted, with 15" wheels, stock hieght, a big ass wing, and hood scoops! I saw that you guys were making fun of the lighted exhaust tips, well he has one of those in purple along with a light up liscense plate frame. This tool now has a big firball on each side of his car that says Startus. If I could get pictures of it I will and I will post them so you can see how gay this thing looks.
That is my funny story, I usually dotn make fun of people but when you are this retarded and run V-Tec stickers on a none Honda I think it is pretty funny.

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I went snowboarding last weekend at jay peak in vermont ,I had just got my gear on and was walking through the parking lot when I saw this old honda accord with 5 asian guys in it, I couldn't tell if they were trying to pull in the parking spot or leave
anyway he pulled in and bumped the car in front of him then pulled back out and hit the car to his right (at this point I'm laughing my ass off so are the other 10-12 people that have gathered)then to my amazement pulls straight back into a van that was parked side ways behind him and and he kept trying to back up even though he was up against the van and somone was yelling at him to stop,he just kept spinning his tires, they must have been on angel dust or some kind of new asian imported super crack

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A long time ago (like 2 years) I was dating this one girl, we were having sex and she farted, so months and months after we broke up cuz the bitch cheated on me, I saw her in her big group of friends and decided that payback was going to be a bitch, I purposly got in to a dispute with her about me being there and then i'm like "you know what, the sex was bad anyway, oh and remember the time I was ------- you and you farted on me? that was disgusting" and then I left and all I could hear behind me was scilence from her and giggles from all her friends.

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point form

-went to party
-got crunk
-found some chick
-went to the wash room for her to polish my charge pipe ;)
-blew my nut in her eye
-she cried for a towl
-i said ---- that noise, than ran out of the house leaving her with cream o travis in her eye
-never talked to her again 8)

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Got really hammered and went to a strip club. was right next to the isle up to the stage and every ------- in the place felt the need to bump into me. SO me and mister sharpie left our mark on every $50+ pair of jeans that hit me. The really cool part was when the stripper was drunk and flew the ---- off the pole onto the stage. strip clubs suck in nc.

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i got head from a 57 yr old drunk lady when i was 17... end of story.

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I have a story similar to this....
i was comming out of town the other day, im goin down the highway...this MX6 comes up to me...kinda doing the same thing. goin past me, then slowing down...he had an exhaust, some other mods, his car didnt sound that bad... he heard my turbo, i thought maybe he might have some nawz...something (maybe he had a sleeper like i do) so i kinda get in front of him, we slow down to about 45-50, he beeps 3 times, i didnt even get out of 5th gear. (yes a 5th gear pull) it was pretty even, then at about 80 i start pulling away. then it was over...
then the fucker at the next light says "i thought i was gonna take your turbo civic" i was like, yeah, i never even got out of 5th gear. LOL. he just rolled up his window.

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this one chick at school i was banging was a senior (i was a sophmore) and 3 years older than me so i was pretty happy. so when i was poundin the pud she kept pulling me in close. it sucked and she eventually asked me what was wrong since it was gettin soft.....bored out of my mind. i picked her up and threw her on the chair doggy and she started crying saying that she doesn't like this. well i felt terrible...for some strange reason and just let it go. well we were hanging out for like 3 weeks and she just stopped calling.
later found out that she got engaged to some boner at the school she was student teaching at. The dudes girl found out and told the school. he got fired and the last i heard they moved to baltimore.......

good thing the sex was bad, she was crazy....

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A few years back a bunch of my buddies and I decided to attend a out of town carshow. So we all meet up the night before cause we are planning to leave first thing in the morning. So about 8 of us with cars that are going to the show meet up and one of my buddies calls me up and says that he wants to come and asks if one of the waitresses from his work and her twin sister can come also , I reply ---- ya , so a couple of hrs later we are all together and we decide to go to the bar , well these girls were not the best looking but meh decent at best. I plan to not drink cause I would be driving so we are at the bar I am kinda avoiding the girls cause I know that my buddies are going to ditch them onme ( hahaha long story why ) so by the end of teh night it is me the 2 girls and a guy that I wa strying so hard to avoid as well cause he is a tool so we end up back at my condo ( like i said I drew the lucky card . ) so I am back at home fridge full of beer and a 24 of cheap tequilla . So its 3 inthe morning we are drinking watching motor cycle vids and the anticts start I leave the room to go to the washroom and when I come back I am staring at the one girl with her leg behind her head looking the other way and the other 2 laughing caudse she doesnt know that I am seeing the whole thing . Let me paint a picture for you little black mini skirt tiny pink panties . It turns out I missed a part of the drinking game and she lost . so any how I am getting kinda hammed and in the kitchen asking who wants tequilla shots , of course little miss pink panties comes running in so I pour and she say that she is going to do the shot off me , Im like alright , she gets down on her knees undoes my jeans pulls my boxers to crotch level and decides to put the shot there . So I say thats nice where are the lime and the salt going she smiles puts the lime in my mouth calls her sister into the kitchen her sis holds my arms behind me tilts me backwards she licks my crotch area puts the salt on grabs my ass licks the salt for a while 10-15 sec tehn downs the tequilla drags herself up my body and sucks the lime out of my mouth . Im shocked at this point and hammered , haha , so I have to atleast match or out do her , so I ask " so where do you want this , she says any where , so with the assisstance of her sis again holding her arms back , I pull her shirt and most of her bra open exposing at least have of her tits, stuff the shot there , lift up her skirt and tuck the lime into her panties lick both tits , salt, lick them off down the shooter and go down town for the lime , she apparently liked it . so they head back to the living room my buddie is beaking of some retarded story about something im not listening he was trying to be sauve . I am cleaning up the mess that we made in the kitchen grab another shot and grab a everyone beer from the fridge and sit down at the opposite end of the sectional couch as teh girl ( hahha sorry I cant remember her name ) se we are bull shitting away and she gets up and comes over to my side . I am leaning against the arm of teh sofa and she is trying to wiggle her ass between the arm of the couch and me , an I say to what are you doing , she says trying to sit with you , i tell her to sit on the other side of me and she says no . so I say here how about this I bend over grab her leg and throw it over my head and she falls behind me , well she really liked that to . she starts grinding her crouch into my back and I am kinda embaresed cause she is being a drunk ----- and her sis is right there shaken her head . well all of a sudden she stops and I look back and she is just sitting there so I ask wasssup and she says , what was your name again, everyone starts howling and her sis just goes omg , i just asked her does it really mater and she says no. So anyways several more antics happen but to get to the best part of the story .
Sorry its so long but worth the read trust me !
So its almost 5am we have to be up at 7 to be at roll in at 9 , so I announce that im going to bed and asked her if she was staying on the couch ( haha ya right ) or comming with me . She imediatly jumps up , so we get into teh bedroom and imediatly she starts ---- , I am doing everything I can not to ---- her , she is obviously dirty and I have no rubbers , so it getting to crunch time I take matters into my own hands , Im on my knees holding her down ( haha I had just watched a wicked porno the night before so this where this came from ) I tell her where do you want it tits or face she all moanin and ---- tits ohhh face so the tits are closer unload there and I had soem reserves apparently and blew the rest for the money shot. Well it turns out I have impecable aim and it went right up her cheek and gllued her eye closed it was beautifull , so she starts saying ohh you got it in my ------- eye , I actually said I dont care go tell your sis , I sat down pretty pumped aboutthe whole situation and she actually got up opened the door and was trying te be quiet to tell her sis what happened , I am like no way and jump up rip open the dooor flip th light on but ass naked she almost falls on th floor into the hall way bothe her sis and my friend are loking directly at us and I am screaming hahahahah I cant belive you actully did that , my buddy is howling she is sitting there stunned and her sis has the whole deer in the headlights look , man it was priceless, Definatly the funniest moment of my life. so like an hr l8r we are getting ready the alchohol is starting to where off Im feeling liek ---- , and we are at the car show after some good gigles when all my buddies showed up and teh twins were in tha bathroom , so hrs l8r we are at he car show and somebody mentions that her face was peeling well it turns out it wasnt her skin .

The following week I end up pounding her sis to her dismay , it ended up her slaming the door and a yelling match . her sis was much better as well

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that was really, long., and detailed. but worthless without pics.

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once i had a fuckbuddy over for like 2 days, she left with a good 2 hours of spare time one day for some other chick to come over and get nailed. I went thru this period of nailing like a different girl every week for like 2 months after i broke up with some chick when i was like 21 or so.

that first chick in that story was awesome, if anyone in olympia knows katelyn with the big boobs, send her back my way.