the legend of BloodNinja
 

i know this ahs been posted before but i think it's time to bring it back since it was brought up in another post.


bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
-------------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

--------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something


Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

---------------

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

------------------

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.



------------------



Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and ----. You know, rollin with tha homies and ----.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh ----, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only ---- women...
J-Dogg: ---- just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipshit.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.



------------------



J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the ---- are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: ---- me, ---- me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to ---- then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.



------------------



Jdogg:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your ----- stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.



------------------



Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an -------
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't ------- laugh at me!
Boy: This ---- is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a ------- break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are ------- sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: ---- you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A ------- COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go ---- yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a ------- -------.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your -----
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your -----.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your -----?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet -----.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your ----- get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your -------.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see ---- nuggets hanging from the hair around your -------.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A ------- PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a ------- candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: ---- YOU -------!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

i remember seeing that before..still funny ----

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

LOL OMG... a few of those i havent seen before. That guy is quick on his feet, if they're real.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

somebody should start doign that and post them here.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Hahaha, gotta show that to some friends..

Henry

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

LOL HARRRR

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Never seen these before, hillarious.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

attn buk or yuriy.. your calling..

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

just make a fake name then go try and cyber with averybody, but make sure their at least 18. i really don't want to see any of the HMT guys on dateline: to catch a predator LMAO.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

soo old but its still funny. Almost never gets old

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

You can't hurry good pizza.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

the last one had me laughing pretty good and ya ive seen a few of those but a couple were new. makes me laugh everytime

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

the best line is "i put on my robe and wizard hat"

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

More Bloodninja

These are pretty funny too: Fugly Victims

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Yeah, the wizard one is one of my favorites. I recall a really funny one about a guy in sweatpants fumbling with the bra or something. That one was the greatest!

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

------- BUMP for finding this guy and making him go on the Webcam -----'s chat box.

Toughguy actually had a good idea.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

No, Tough-Gay was in the web----- chat where I typed /me puts on his robe and his wizard's hat and now he thinks it's the next cool thing.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

My bad, let me not detract from your e-credit :-*

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

It's not much credit, just annoying that Tough-Gay is using it as a tool to gain e-acceptance he hasn't gotten any other way.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

And you like to be the school-yard-bully who pulls the rug out from underneath him ;D

Or the younger sibling who never got heard.

Freud would say you have Daddy issues. :-*

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Daddy? Who's that?

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Come harass webcam bitches

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

JD blows up engines. :-*

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

JDTCC ;D

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

haha i love the pirate one. HAAARRRRR!!! haha that one was the best.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Bump for awsomeness.


http://www.roflcat.com/images/cats/wizard.jpg

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Usually I'd smite you, but this thread was definitely a good one to bump.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

This one is great

mikewilliams27: Hi.
azvixen2001: hello
mikewilliams27: My name is Mike.
mikewilliams27: What's yours?
azvixen2001: What?
azvixen2001: Mike I gotta get back to work thanks for saying hello
mikewilliams27: Aww. Don't you want to talk to me?
azvixen2001: hey you have not talked to me since before the 4th of July so why now
mikewilliams27: What? I think you are thinking of a different Mike.
mikewilliams27: My name is Mike Williams.
mikewilliams27: I'm from Baltimore.
azvixen2001: Oh sorry well I really have to go
mikewilliams27: Where do you work?
azvixen2001: why does it matter
mikewilliams27: I am just trying to make friends.
mikewilliams27: It doesn't, I guess.
mikewilliams27: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ricki Lake?
azvixen2001: well sorry not with me
mikewilliams27: You're rude.
mikewilliams27: You'd think that a fat girl like you would be happy to have someone talk to her.
azvixen2001: no u are. I have asked very nicely to end our chat a number of times
azvixen2001: I get lots of attention honey do not need u
mikewilliams27: I was born with three nipples.
mikewilliams27: Want me to send you a picture?
mikewilliams27: In your picture, you have a pimple on your chest.
mikewilliams27: At first I thought it was a third nipple too but I figured it out.
mikewilliams27: A lot of fat girls have pimples on their chests like that.
mikewilliams27: It's because you sweat a lot.
azvixen2001: If you don't quit writing to me I will inform my systems administrator.
mikewilliams27: What's his name?
azvixen2001: it's not a he its a she.
mikewilliams27: Yeah, right.
mikewilliams27: Everyone knows that all sytme admins are men.
mikewilliams27: Girls are too dumb to figure that stuff out.
azvixen2001: Typical. I bet you live with your mother, dont' you?
mikewilliams27: Well yeah. I do. How did you know?
mikewilliams27: I have 13 cats.
azvixen2001: Good for you.
mikewilliams27: I like you.
azvixen2001: Mike, I'm serious. I'm very busy here and you are bothering me.
mikewilliams27: Do you like cats?
mikewilliams27: I do.
azvixen2001: Goodbye Mike.
mikewilliams27: I bet you have all sorts of stuff stuck between your fat rolls.
mikewilliams27: Check right now and tell me what you find.
mikewilliams27: Do you like Doritos?
mikewilliams27: My mom does.
mikewilliams27: She eats them on the couch and she's really fat too.
mikewilliams27: It's hot and sometimnes she wears a bra around the house and I see Dorito chips on her fat rolls.
azvixen2001: How old are you, 10?
mikewilliams27: I'm 27.
azvixen2001: You're 27???
azvixen2001: You act like a 10 year old!!
azvixen2001: And you live with your mother?
azvixen2001: LOL!
mikewilliams27: Why is that funny?
azvixen2001: Awww. poor baby. I just want to pat you on your little head.
mikewilliams27: Shut up and don't make fun of me.
azvixen2001: You're so pathetic.
mikewilliams27: STOP IT!!
mikewilliams27: my head is not little.
azvixen2001: LOL!!
mikewilliams27: stop it
azvixen2001: BYE LOSER!
mikewilliams27: STO!p1oij1 pjoioih STOP ITTT!!!
azvixen2001: Why dont you go out and get a life you pathetic moron?
azvixen2001: What's the matter? One of your cats got your tongue?
azvixen2001: LOL!

2 minutes later...

mikewilliams27: Hello?
mikewilliams27: Who is this?
azvixen2001: Hello loser.
mikewilliams27: I'm sorry. This is Mike's mother.
mikewilliams27: To whom am I communicating?
azvixen2001: yeah right. hi Mike's mom.
mikewilliams27: I'm serious. Who is this?
mikewilliams27: My name is Sarah.
azvixen2001: My name is Denise.
mikewilliams27: Mike is not a normal 27 year old, in case you couldn't tell.
mikewilliams27: He's at about a 4th grade level.
mikewilliams27: We've had a lot of problems with him ever since he started using this computer.
azvixen2001: Well maybe you shouldn't let him use it.
mikewilliams27: You may be right, but that's not going to help us now.
mikewilliams27: Mike is having a seizure right now.
mikewilliams27: His father is tending to him.
mikewilliams27: Something you said must have triggered it.
mikewilliams27: What were you two talking about?
mikewilliams27: Hello?
mikewilliams27: I'm very serious about this. Please help.
azvixen2001: Look. he started talking first.
azvixen2001: I am at work right now and am very busy.
mikewilliams27: I know. I'm very sorry, but will you please help us?
mikewilliams27: This has happened before.
azvixen2001: Take him to a doctor.
mikewilliams27: I wish it was that simple. It's not really a seizure but if I don't get him to stop he can really hurt himself.
mikewilliams27: Mike has a serious problem with social skills and this is his defense mechanism.
mikewilliams27: Whenver there is any sort of a conflict, especially with women that he likes, he has one of these "seizures".
mikewilliams27: We can watch him for a few hours so he doesn't choke on his tongue or you can help.
azvixen2001: Are you kidding me.
mikewilliams27: I know this sounds strange, Denise, but I am very serious.
mikewilliams27: Can I call you to explain over the phone?
azvixen2001: I dont think so.
mikewilliams27: Well let me give you my number then.
mikewilliams27: Ok, it's 301-***-****
azvixen2001: Ok.
azvixen2001: I'm calling you.
mikewilliams27: Ok
azvixen2001: No answer.
mikewilliams27: What?
mikewilliams27: Oh my god. I'm sorry. The ringer is turned off.
mikewilliams27: Will you try again?
azvixen2001: No. I have to go.
mikewilliams27: NO. Please don't!
mikewilliams27: Please help us. it will only take a minute.
mikewilliams27: All you have to do is apologize to him and pretend to like him.
mikewilliams27: I will watch over his sholder and get him off the computer.
mikewilliams27: After this, I don't think we're ever going to let him onthe computer again.
mikewilliams27: Hello?
mikewilliams27: Will you please help us?
mikewilliams27: Please respond? I'm really not joking about this, Denise.
azvixen2001: Ok. Look. I will talk to him for 2 minutes then i have to go.
mikewilliams27: Oh thank you so much.
azvixen2001: I can't beleive I'm doign this.
mikewilliams27: Ok. I am going to get him and tell him that you want to speak to him.
azvixen2001: sure.
azvixen2001: hurry up.
mikewilliams27: Hi.
azvixen2001: Hi
azvixen2001: umm hello?
azvixen2001: Is this Mike?
mikewilliams27: yeah
azvixen2001: hi Mike.
mikewilliams27: hi
azvixen2001: uhhhh Ok Mike. I'm sorry.
mikewilliams27: what?
azvixen2001: I said I'm sorry for making fun of you.
azvixen2001: I was only kidding.
mikewilliams27: no you werent'
azvixen2001: yes i was mike. I swear to god.
azvixen2001: I like you.
azvixen2001: We're friends, Ok?
azvixen2001: Ok Mike?
azvixen2001: Are you going to be ok?
azvixen2001: I like you and I shouldn't have made fun of you. Now go get your Mom.
mikewilliams27: you like me?
azvixen2001: Yes. I really like you.
mikewilliams27: and you were wrong?
azvixen2001: Yes mike. I was wrong and you were right?
mikewilliams27: i was right?
azvixen2001: yes you were right
mikewilliams27: about what?
azvixen2001: what?
mikewilliams27: About what?
mikewilliams27: Was I right about your third nipple, or that you have Dorito chips stuck in your ass crack you fat -----?
azvixen2001: ---- YOU!
mikewilliams27: HHAHAH!!!
mikewilliams27: My mom isn't even home, fatty!
azvixen2001: ---- OFF YOU -------!
azvixen2001: I HOPE YOU REALLY DO HAVE A SEIZURE and CHOKE on your fuckign tongue loser!!!!!!
mikewilliams27: Who's the loser now, fat-ass?
mikewilliams27: Want me to call you? I have your number off of my caller ID.
mikewilliams27: Denise *******?
mikewilliams27: Can I call you at 480-***-****?
mikewilliams27: Can I come visit you at 2423 ********** Park, Tempe Arizona 85284?
mikewilliams27: Can I bring some of my cats?
mikewilliams27: And some Doritos?
azvixen2001: I'm calling the police.
azvixen2001: <has logged off>

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

kain has one too.



Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: <logged off>

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

classik

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

I forgot about this ---- it's gold.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Much as I give kain hell, he does good work.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

uh... ???

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

Just be glad someone is sucking your dick.

Re: the legend of BloodNinja
 

i never realized that he saved the chat logs from him and mary