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....Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up, fireman, salesman, etc... David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by his statement, hurriedly set the children to work on some coloring, and took Little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said David, "He works for the Committee to Elect John Kerry for President Campaign, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

I got this off a truck site I visit and thought I would share.

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BOO!

i wouldn't tell anyone else that joke, unless you and thme happen to like President Bush.

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Haha, thats obviously a bush fan joke, but would be funny to anyone, good joke

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the only funny part was when he said kerry

i dunno why though

thx for making us smile teg

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not a bush fan, but kerry sucks too :-\ i'm a mode fan. 'MODE GIVES MORE IN '04'

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It comes down to "the lesser of the two evils.." damn I hate politics, lol

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why did the blonde do a mexican ?





























































































cause her teacher told her to do an issay ;D

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good one :D

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whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?













































































If you slap a mosquito it'll quit sucking.

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There was a Polish rapist in a lineup and when the victim walked in the pollak yelled "Thats her!"

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What did the 0 say to the 8?
































































Nice belt!

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here something i wrote about hotrex and his mom....

Hotrex, I appologize for ------- your mom every christmas eve and you not getting any presents, and also for ------- up your idea of what christmas is all about,
come to think of it, you did get nice presents (the big fat cum stains I left under your pillow) but we'll leave that be, Remember christmas is all about giving, Like how your mom gets it in all the right places.

Heres the story

Twas a couple nights before christmas, and all about the town
Not your mom was talking, no screaming was the sound.
Your moms legs where open, with soft gentle care, in hopes that the fat dude would soon be there.
Hotrex was cracked out on his futon type bed, while visions of gay men danced through his head.
His mom started to whine, and me just the same, she wanted my huge cock in her wet mane.
Away to her ----- I busted a move, tore open her shutters while spilling some brew.
when from her mouth there bust a noice so abrubt, I ripped it out to see whats up.
I said whats wrong my dear, as she took another sip of dirty rotten imported beer.
She said with a lisp "you have to stop" "I can't take the large size of your huge ------- cock"
This is too weird, too weird I did say, what the ---- is wrong with you, where should I ---- you anyway.
So I slapped hotrexs mom, and said, I'm gona ---- you till dawn
A bright thought came into my head, I flipped your mom over on that dirty ass bed
I fucked her till she was high, whoa check it out, all i can say, man, it was fly.
I looked at my watch, all the time spent, was simply 35 mins, to my dumbfounded amasement.
Finally the punishing was over, I took off, like my name was red rover
I hoped in my car, man was it bitchin', still in my confusion, my head was itchin'
Threaded-up with red baggies and a sportin red coat, cellphone, and credit card I also did tote
Stoped by at the store, ran through the door, I needed some more condoms for that crappy little -----.
Swirving potholes and speedbumps as i grew near, then crankin my sound system, for music to hear.
'Now, Dasher now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen, On Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen'
AS I arrived back home, I fucked her so phat , till she had foam, spilling from her skat
By that time she was ripped, I thought she was fine, but Hotrexs poor mom was ripped down the line.
So I took off in my cool ride, right down the street, now hotrexs mom has one hole, which I think is pretty neat.

Lockin up my brakes, then grazing a wall, I yelled,

---- Hotrexs mom, and ---- a hotrexs mom to all


I wonder if his mom has healed since last time, ;) I think I ripped her right down the dottet line. cause boy was it a christmas, I mean there was my big tree, some milk and then your mom lost her cookies, don't foget the big "present" I left on her chest when I was done with my nookies :)

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YAY!

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damn you sure took the time to make that spenser

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;D ;D ;D LOL
ha man did u really wrote all thsoe on your own :o !!??

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Heres one.. not so dirty though.

There was a 2nd grade classroom and the teacher was at the front giving her normal speech of the day. The students wanted to go home, and one raised his hand and asked if they could just go home early because they did all their work. The teacher replied, "So you want to go home [and the kids nodded approvingly]. Well this is what I will do, I will ask you a question, any random question and if you get it right then you will not have to come back on Friday, you will get a three day vacation." All the students were really happy, and they figured the could put their heads together to get the right answer, bo matter what it is.. I mean, 2nd grade it shouldn't be that hard?

The teacher said, ok here is your first question, "How far is it from the Earth to the moon?"
A kid raised his hand and held his arms wide apart, "Its this far." She replied, "nope, see you tomorrow.

The kids were mad at the teacher, and she pulled the same thing the following week. This gave one of them an idea. Little Timmy grabbed some golf balls from his shed and some spray all the while saying, "I'll fix her."

When thursday came around and the teacher was going to get ready to ask the question, she said, "are you ready for the question?" Directly after she said this, Timmy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the golfballs and rolls them up to the front of the claasroom.

The teacher stopped, looked and said, "Ok now, whose the comedian with the two black balls?"

"EDDIE MURPHY, See ya Monday!!". Timmy exclaimed as he walked out the door.

:)

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that was actually pretty funny...

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that was a good one. :D

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LMAO you guys are funny hahahahaha ;D

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Heres another one.. I don't know if it is as good.. but here is it.

Two aliens crash land onto Earth [in the US] right out the in middle of the desert area (somewhere around Arizona). They get out of their space craft and look at the damage. They realize that they will need to repair the craft before they can leave. They take off on a walk and come up to a gas station with no one there. They walk up to the gas pump.

One of the aliens looks at the pump and says, "Take me to your leader Earthling." The second alien asses the situation and looks back and forth between the other alien and the "earthling". He then grabs the suit of the first alien and says in a shakey voice, "we better leave him alone, lets go" and tugs on the suit of the first alien. The first alien shruggs off the second alien and repeats to the pump, "Earthling, take me too your leader, or I will be forced to disintegrate you with this Ray."

The second alien's eyes grow wide and he grabs the first alien and says, "what are you doing?? WE should really get out of here and leave." Again the first alien takes no heed. He repeats the request to the pump, "take me to your leader, you have to the count of 5. 1.. [the second alien is nearly jumping out of his suit now trying to stop the first alien] 2!..... 3... 4..... [the second alien takes off in a run away from the gas station] 5!!!! [the ray is fired]" BOOOOOM

The two aliens are propelled several hundred feet away from the gas station. As they lay there in torn suits, the first alien looks to the second alien and says, "why did you tell me not to do that?" The second alien replies, "I looked at the guy, and all I can say is that anyone that can take their dick and wrap it around in a loop and stick it in their ear is one bad mother fucker you should not mess with."

:)

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lol. thats hilarious.

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Alright, I just thought of another one... here goes, I think this one is a little gut buster..

Three guys go to the doctor. They are all examined and they are sent out into the waiting room to wait for the results. The doctor asks all the men to come into his office for a minute. The doctor has the men take a seat and he goes to his desk and looks through some papers and says, "this is quite odd, I have never seen anything like this before. It seems to me that you all have the same problem, but with different variances." He looks at one man and says, "you are an alcoholic and all the alcohol you have drank has done a number on your internals. you have to break your habit, or your next drink will be your last." The alocholic looks shocked.

The doctor turns to the next man and says, "you are a smoker, and as the same with this man, you can no longer continue these activities, or it will be your last." the doctor turns to the last man and says, "you are in the same boat, you cannot continue your activities, except, for you it is homosexuality. one more time and it will be your last, i can assure you this."

All three men leave the office a little confused. They are walking down the sidewalk thinking about what the doctor had told them, "you must break your habit, or it will be your last". Then suddenly the wonderful taste of alcohol was in the air. The alcoholic looks up and across the street at the local bar and says, "i will prove that doctor wrong" he runs to the bar, orders a shot, downs it like it is nothing, sits down and falls off the stool and dies.

The other two men are shocked and looked at one another. they decide to get away from the place so they are not going to be caught by the police and questioned. while they continue to walk [at a faster pace now] the smoker smells that sweet smell of nicotine in the air. He looks down and sees a half lit cigarette. The gay man, sees the cigarette too, then looks back at the smoker, looks back down at the cigarette and then again, back at the smoker. The gay man says, "mister, if you bend over to get that cigarette, we are both dead."

:)

If you would like more jokes.. i have a few others lined up too.

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funny ---- guys, i got a good one

Three guys are walkin down a beach, a white guy, a mexican guy , and a black guy . while they're walking they stumble upon a lamp. the mexican guy picks up the lamp and rubs it, to their surprise, a genie come out and says he'll grant them one wish apiece.

the mexican goes first and says that he wants all his people to be happy back in mexico. the genie grants his wish POOF! the mexican is gone. the black guy goes next and says, i want all my people to be happy back in africa. the genie grants his wish POOF!, the black guy is gone.

its now the white guys turn, he looks around and says to the genie, "You mean to tell me all the spics and ------s are out of america??? then i'll take a Coke"


its kinda racist, but i am by no means a racist. sorry about the use of the "bad" words.

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Ok, well I have another.. These are really helping my post count.. 8)

One summer day there is a fly that is flying about a foot above a lake. While this fly is flying around this lake, a bass looks up to get something to eat. He says to himself, "if that fly drops 6 inches, I will have something to eat".

At the same time, a fisherman comes up to the lake to fish. He takes a look around and sees the bass and then sees the fly. He thinks to himself, "if that fly drops 6 inches, that bass will jump out of the water and i will hook him with my line and i will have something to eat."

The fisherman is waiting and decides to bring out his sandwich his wife packed in a lunch. A mouse suddenly comes out of his hole and looks out at the fisherman's sandwich. He thinks to himself, "i wish i had that cheese." and then he looks around and sees the bass and the fly.. "hmmm if that fly drops 6 inches, that bass will jump out of the water and get the fly, then the fisherman will jump up to get the fish while at the same time dropping his sandwich and i will have something to eat." so the mouse patiently awaits the fly to drop.

All the while this is happening, a stray cat stumbles upon the situation. he looks at the mouse and is thinking to himself "i wish i could eat that mouse" then he looks around and sees the fisherman, the bass, and the fly. And he then says to himself, "hmm if that fly drops 6 inches, the bass will jump out of the water, the fisherman will jump up and at the same time drop the sandwich, catch the fish, and the mouse will go and get the cheese from the sandwich and i will get the mouse." so the sly cat patiently awaits the fly to drop.

Well albeit, the fly drops 6 inches, the bass wastes no time and jumps out of the water and eats the fly, the fisherman jumps to his feet, drops the sandwich and catches the fish, the mouse scurries over to the sandwich and grabs the cheese, and the cat makes a mad dash, jumps and goes right over the mouse and into the lake.



Moral of the story: when the fly drops 6 inches, you get a wet -----
:)

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ok,heres one,
So Nigel is ------- Kain up the ass and then pulls out and cums on his back, kain then turns to him and says "So do u want to cuddle?" And Nigel replies "What the ----, do you think I'm a fag?".

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dude.. spenser.. weak

here not realy ajoke.. more of a funny story



Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named Ed Griffin, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

"Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original judge called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the score cards from the event:

Chili #1: Mikes Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Ed Griffin: Holy ----, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili #2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Ed Griffin: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili #3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
Ed Griffin: Call the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency), I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. The barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shitfaced from all the beer.

Chili #4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Ed Griffin: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it; is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 pound bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili #5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Ed Griffin: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

Chili #6: Verbs Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Ed Griffin: I'm starting to ---- lava! My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I ---- on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Chili #7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress; a vein in his forehead is starting to throb and he is cursing uncontrollably.
Ed Griffin: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like ---- to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach. Are those flames shooting out of my ass?

Chili #8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when the vein in Judge Number 3's head burst; he passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili?
Ed Griffin: -------- (editors note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

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That is the funniest ---- I have ever read!!! My eyes were watering :D :D

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A TEXAN MOVES NORTH

Jan. 10It's 5:00 PM. It's starting to snow. The first one of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

Jan. 11 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both the driveway and the sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

Jan. 12 It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled the driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and pulled his trick again. Now, much of the snow is brownish-gray.

Jan. 13 It warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145.00 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected

Jan. 14 Still cold as hell. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4 X 4 in order to get her to work. Slid into the guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of the white ---- last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddam snowplow came by twice today.

Jan. 15 It's 2 ------- degrees outside. More ------- snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and I lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. The car slid off the road on the way to the emergency room and was totalled.

Jan. 16 Goddam mother ------- white ---- keeps on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the ------- mailbox. If I ever catch that son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll chew open his chest and rip his heart out. I think he hides around the corner and waits until I shovel our driveway again! Power is still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Jan. 17 Six goddam more ------- inches of ------- snow and ------- sleet and ------- ice and no telling what other kind of white ------- ---- fell last night. I wounded the ------- snowplow ------- with an ice ax, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snowblind. I can't feel my ------- toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More white ---- is predicted. Wind chill is -22 ------- degrees below. I'm moving my ass back to Texas!