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Fuck my life
Ive searched and as far as I know this isnt a repost
http://www.fmylife.com/ Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dads words of wisdom were "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML |
Re: Fuck my life
The most likely reason you didn't find it in a search is because it's not funny. :3
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Re: Fuck my life
Originally Posted by Tough-guy
The most likely reason you didn't find it in a search is because it's not funny. :3
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Re: Fuck my life
Originally Posted by txdohczc
this is gayer then the copy machine thread
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Re: Fuck my life
hahah the further i go the better they get
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Re: Fuck my life
Originally Posted by txdohczc
this is gayer then the copy machine thread
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Re: Fuck my life
Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
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Re: Fuck my life
lmao! ;D
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Re: Fuck my life
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML
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Re: Fuck my life
Today, I received a random packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML
Ownd |
Re: Fuck my life
Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML
waffle LOL!! |
Re: Fuck my life
Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML
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Re: Fuck my life
Originally Posted by wafflesincars
Today, I received a random packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML
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Re: Fuck my life
Today, I was reading an article about girls who have low self-esteem and end up whoring around to feel better. When I finished, I realized it was actually written by my best friend. The girl in the article was me. FML
Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night. I was still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out she opens her eyes and says "Oh, it's you." Then gets up and walks out. FML. Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML |
Re: Fuck my life
It is in no way gayer than the copy machine thread, that video was worthless i got some chuckles out of this.
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Re: Fuck my life
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML
Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML |
Re: Fuck my life
Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML
Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "---- you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML |
Re: Fuck my life
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
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Re: Fuck my life
Originally Posted by 1991civicsi
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
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Re: Fuck my life
Originally Posted by Loki
Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML
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Re: Fuck my life
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
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Re: Fuck my life
Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "------." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML
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Re: Fuck my life
That shits hilarious....
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Re: Fuck my life
Originally Posted by t_cel_t
Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "african american." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML
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Re: Fuck my life
Today, i found the dumbest website to date. it was full of fake stories that were all summed up by a line from superbad, a film that wasn't nearly as funny as it was hyped to be. FTL
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{quote**
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML {quote** lmfao hope he bought a new one |
these r good
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=o
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