almost a dad.... Now, officially a dad
01-15-2009, 08:15 PM
#21
0.0 BAR
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 0
Re: almost a dad....
OK, here's some tips on how to reduce sperm count for you my man:
1) fap at least four times a day.
2) wear tighty-whities, they keep your nuts too warm and what sperm you have are less potent. Also, join a gym and hit the hot tub/sauna, better yet install a hot tub at the house. Tell the wife it's to "create the mood" and you can "lounge together and be intimate" while pursuing the kid thing.
3) pot, cocaine, and cigarettes are your friends. I know you're a third of the way with me on this already.
4) reduce your intake of vitamin C, selenium, zinc, and folate.
5) stress. You are already stressing, don't worry you've got this one covered.
6) heavy metals (eat paint chips for the lead content), estrogenic pesticides (DDT, yay!!!), and toluene/benzene/xylene - breathe deeply every time you pump gas, service your fuel filters often.
:P
1) fap at least four times a day.
2) wear tighty-whities, they keep your nuts too warm and what sperm you have are less potent. Also, join a gym and hit the hot tub/sauna, better yet install a hot tub at the house. Tell the wife it's to "create the mood" and you can "lounge together and be intimate" while pursuing the kid thing.
3) pot, cocaine, and cigarettes are your friends. I know you're a third of the way with me on this already.
4) reduce your intake of vitamin C, selenium, zinc, and folate.
5) stress. You are already stressing, don't worry you've got this one covered.
6) heavy metals (eat paint chips for the lead content), estrogenic pesticides (DDT, yay!!!), and toluene/benzene/xylene - breathe deeply every time you pump gas, service your fuel filters often.
:P
01-18-2009, 11:34 PM
#22
3.0 BAR
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 1,588
Re: almost a dad....
Originally Posted by Darkelvis
Uh-oh, I just went upstairs to snag the batteries out of the woman's vibrator because my remote for the tv is dead and I found a little piece of paper where she has started tracking her cycle now. Looks like I'm going to be in trouble pretty soon.
01-19-2009, 12:38 AM
#23
0.0 BAR
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 0
Re: almost a dad....
Originally Posted by Joseph Davis
OK, here's some tips on how to reduce sperm count for you my man:
1) fap at least four times a day.
2) wear tighty-whities, they keep your nuts too warm and what sperm you have are less potent. Also, join a gym and hit the hot tub/sauna, better yet install a hot tub at the house. Tell the wife it's to "create the mood" and you can "lounge together and be intimate" while pursuing the kid thing.
3) pot, cocaine, and cigarettes are your friends. I know you're a third of the way with me on this already.
4) reduce your intake of vitamin C, selenium, zinc, and folate.
5) stress. You are already stressing, don't worry you've got this one covered.
6) heavy metals (eat paint chips for the lead content), estrogenic pesticides (DDT, yay!!!), and toluene/benzene/xylene - breathe deeply every time you pump gas, service your fuel filters often.
:P
1) fap at least four times a day.
2) wear tighty-whities, they keep your nuts too warm and what sperm you have are less potent. Also, join a gym and hit the hot tub/sauna, better yet install a hot tub at the house. Tell the wife it's to "create the mood" and you can "lounge together and be intimate" while pursuing the kid thing.
3) pot, cocaine, and cigarettes are your friends. I know you're a third of the way with me on this already.
4) reduce your intake of vitamin C, selenium, zinc, and folate.
5) stress. You are already stressing, don't worry you've got this one covered.
6) heavy metals (eat paint chips for the lead content), estrogenic pesticides (DDT, yay!!!), and toluene/benzene/xylene - breathe deeply every time you pump gas, service your fuel filters often.
:P
01-31-2009, 07:00 PM
#27
!! UNCONFIRMED EMAIL !!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Las Cruces, NM 88001
Posts: 1,084
Re: almost a dad....
Originally Posted by Joseph Davis
So, mister make a thread then never update it, is everything okay with you and the missus? 
As of 1/14 @1:14AM I officially became a father. The whole delivery process is a ------ trip. Me and the mother in law were in the room which was a lil creepy. I also got to cut the cord. The only god damn mistake i made was seeing the afterbirth come out.... mother ******!
Baby had to be induced 2 weeks early due to Mrs. Stinky nuts having high blood pressure(pre eclampsia). Since she was early she ended up having a higher risk of jaundice since her liver wasn't up to speed. The lil one had to spend a night in the special care unit under a UV light. That was prob the hardest part of the the whole experience. Shes home now and every ones doing great. Only took 4 days off to work and basically my life is back on track w/ an addition. As far as my free time, its damn near gone now but wouldn't trade the it for the world.
Kiana Elise...
