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*UPDATED*who wants a surprise, joseph davis is the WINNER
HAHA it was tough but i think joseph davis's jokes had me goin the most.. so he wins so joseph if you see this gimme ur addy and you get the mystery box from hell
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Re:who wants a surprise
LMAO, there car parts right??
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Re:who wants a surprise
Oh boy! I love surprises!!
Sign me up!!!! ;D __________________ Best Car Insurance | Auto Protection Today | FREE Trade-In Quote |
Re:who wants a surprise
It better not be the fallowing items
1 Kat Turds 2 Dog Turds 3 Explosives 4 Anthrax other than that im game.... sign me up to... Oh yeah heres my post.... The other day I was in the local auto part store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all look at each other and ask, "What's a seven ten cap?" She says, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it?" they ask. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she says that it's a Buick. "Okay, Lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter "What does it do?" we ask. She says, "I don't know, but it's always been there." One of us gives her a note pad and asks her if she can draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and the center it had 710. One guy says, "I think you want an oil cap." She says, "Seven Ten cap, oil cap, I don't care what you call it. I just need one, and I don't see what is so funny about it." Yes, she was a blonde. If you read "710" upside down, it spells OIL! |
Re:who wants a surprise
i want it gimme gimme
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Re:who wants a surprise
itll be something cool. so ill randomly pick a member who signed up on monday night and ill send out the mystery box on tuesday...
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Re:who wants a surprise
3 Explosives
4 Anthrax send me these items after the americans attacks on middle eastern countries its been hard to get these in pakastan. pm me and ill give u an address if u have these items ;) |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
------- flamer. i wanted those coil overs ! ---- around >:(
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
WTF? The rules changed?
Ok, here is my joke. A guy walks into a bar(imagine that). He sits down at the bar and orders 10 shots of Vodka. The bartender looks at him funny, but gladly pours him 10 shots of Vodka. The guy slams all 10 shots one after the other. The bartender was shocked to see this and says "Damn, what's the celebration all about?". The guy looks up at him and says "My first blowjob." The bartender says "Oh, that's great man, I tell ya what, I'll buy you a shot." The guy says "Well, thanks alot, but if the first 10 shots didn't get this taste out of my mouth, I doubt the 11th one will.". ;D Do I win????? :-\ __________________ Best Car Insurance | Auto Protection Today | FREE Trade-In Quote |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
how about this ........a biker joke ( go figure )
A cop is just driving around until he comes upon this bar. He looks around and notices a large number of bikes in front of the bar. So he thinks " mmm im sure someone is going to come out drunk and try to ride home ,I think i'll hang out and see". Not to much later after the cop parks his car a biker stumbles out of the bar ,leaning on the wall for support. He finally is able to stand up ,staggering side to side. He sits on and tries to crank 4 bikes before he comes to thought nethier is his. By this time the cop is thinking hell ya this fucker is drunk in the mean while 8 bikers saddle up and ride off. Finally the biker finds his bike and saddles up. He just sits there for few breathing in deep then sticks his finger in his mouth and holds it up in the air as if trying to catch the angle of the wind ,6 more bikers ride off by then. The biker pushes his bike forward then just stops and sits there again. He then cranks his bike revs it a few times then shut it off and does the same thing about 4 times. Well by this time the cop is convinced he is piss ass drunk ,by this time that biker is the only one left. Well the biker finally saddles up and rides off ,the cop is thinking "hell ya i got his guy". The cop pulls the biker over and asks him if he had any drinks. Naturally the biker said " only like one or two guy why do you ask". Not convinced the cop issues a breathalyzer. The cop tells the guy to blow in it and the biker does. The cop reads the breathalyzer and to his shock its reading clear. The cop is like "wtf what is going on here" confused and pissed he tells the biker to do it ,yeilding the same results. The cop is like whats going on and looks at the biker. The biker having a big grin on his face he says " im the designated decoy" ;D. |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
I have two for you:
1) What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Well, Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and.... ... Michael Jackson fucks little kids. 2) ... and this is my fav, btw... How long does it take the average woman to reach orgasm? Who gives a ----? |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
im asking for it, sing my ass up. lmao but if its anything ---- related i dont wnat it lol
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
ok ok here is mine
There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother on the other hand was bad and did all the things that men should not do in life and didn't care who he hurt. The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there, and he was very happy. One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other. Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with you. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don't understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer & a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment". God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
What is the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits till you are a teenager to come on your face... |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
(my fiance is a jew so i can make fun of them all i want)
have you heard of those new jewish tires? they not only stop on a dime they pick it up. |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
I got another one.
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but don't hit me so hard on the head with the beer bottle". __________________ Best Car Insurance | Auto Protection Today | FREE Trade-In Quote |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
one more...
This guy was born with out any arms. he lived his whole life that way until one day a doctor said "hey there's an experimental surgery to get you some biomechanical arms" he replied "ok, i have nothing to lose" so the doctor performs the surgery. After it was done the doctor told him "all you have to do is tell the arm what to do and it'll do it, tell it to shake my hand" , the guy timidly tells his arm to shake the doctor's hand. and it does. "wow this is pretty cool" says the guy " wave goodbye to the nice doctor" and it does. The guy, satisfied with his new appendages walks out of the hospital. On the way out he stops to use the restroom. "wow" he thought "this is going to be much easier now that i have arms". "ok arm, unbutton my pants" and it did. "now unzip my zipper" and it did. "ok, take out my penis" and it did. and he proceeded to take a leak. After he finished pissing he thought to himself "You know, i've never felt my dick before, this is kind of nice" after thinking about it for a sec he tells the arm " jerk it off" and it did. :o |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
What do you call a bungee jumping frenchman?
a leapfrog. whats the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk? alcoholics go to meetings. A guy walks into a bar. he sits down, orders a beer and notices a sign on the bar that says, "make a moose laugh; win $100." the asks the bar tender what the sign is all about. the bar tender says that there is a moose in the back room, and if anyone makes it laugh, they win $100. so the guy goes into the back room. he comes out a minute later with the moose laughing hystericaly, gets his $100 and goes home. the next day he goes back to the bar and there is a new sign, "make a moose cry, win $100." so the guy goes into the back room again. a minute later he comes out with the moose crying in dispare. the bar tender, pissed that hes loosing money on this moose, asks the guy how he did it. the guy says, "well, to make the moose laugh, i told him i had bigger balls than he did. to make him cry, i proved it." |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
^^^^
I heard that joke with an old lady in it somehow, i can't quite remember how that one went though. |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
A guy walks into a bar and asks says to the bartender
"hey man Im from out of town and im lookin for some action can you tel me where to got?" bartender points to the corner of the room where this amazingly hot chick is standing. the guy goes over to the girl and asks her how much for a handjob.. she smiles and in the sexiest voice imaginable remarks "I charge 200" The guy looks at her in amazement "200 are you joking why so much?" she turns to the parking lot and says to him "you see all those exotic cars in the parking lot.. those are all mine and Ive earned them by giving handjobs" The guy, curious as to why she is so expensive and so successful knows he must see what she's all about. So he pays her the 200 and she goes to work, he finishes and its like nothing he's ever expierienced. He's so satisfied he goes back the next day and asks her how much for a blow job. she turns to him and says "500" again he is dumbfounded by how much she charges. she turns to him and points to the bay. "you see all those boats. those boats are all mine. I bought them with money Ive made from giving head". he is further intreaged so he pays her the money.. and it was worth every penny.. he comes back the next day and asks her how much to ----.. she point into the hills and say "you see all those houses in the hills those are the houses I wouldve had, had I not been a man." -CF |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
Good ol' school joke-
A man is FLYING down the highway between the speeds of 110-115 MPH. He passes a bridge, and then notices a cop in full pursuit behind him. The cop turns on his lights and the man pulls over. The cop walks over to the car and asks, "Where the hell are you going in such a hurry?" The man replies, "I'm running late for my ------- strecthing session!" The cop, dumbfounded ask, "What the hell is that?" The man explains, "Well, they break it down into three sessions. The first session the stretch your asshold to 1 foot. The second time they stretch you asshold to THREE feet! And the last session the streth you brown eye to SIX FOOT!!" The cop, wide-eyed asks,"What the hell are you going to do with a 6-foot ass hole?!" The man replies, "Put him at the end of a bridge with a radar gun!" :) Ah yes. Love. - Matt |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
Everyone might have seen this before, but this is my entry..
http://mediaservice.photoisland.com/...9365945145.jpg |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
hahahahh
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
Why does Kermit tell Miss Piggy to douche with honey?
Because he likes his pork to be sweet and sour. |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
Guy walks into a bar and all the stools ait the bar are upside down.He stops in his tracks.The bartender acknawleges him and the guy says "Ill come back when your open.The bartender says"were open this is a GAY bar".
What the oposite of Christofer Reves? Christofer Walkins. |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
ok a guy walks in to a bar and sits down bullshitting witht he bartender orders a drink and he notices a big jug on money at the end of the bar so he is like hey bartender what's that money for. and the bartender reply and say u see that guy at the end of the bar and he was like ya, and th ebartender sid well if u can knock the guy out in one punch the money is yours so the guy has a few more and another jug onf money was down with the first and asks the bartender what that was for and he replied saying there a bull out back with a loose tooth and if uc an get it out the money is yours.. well he has another and to his smazment there is a 3rd jug down at the bar filled with money and he was like hey bartender wtf is that one for and he replied saying there is a blonde upstairs that has never had a orgasim and if u can give her one the money is yours... well he takes a shot of yager stands up and walks down the end of the bar knocks the guy on in one punch and then walks out back and comes back 10 min's later all bloody and says hey bartneder where's the blonde with the loose tooth???
;D |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
That was really hard to read... ???
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
Well, it seems that these three fellows, an American, a German
and a afghany are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. As the final hour approachs, each man is trying to think of a way to escape his inevitable doom. The time comes for the execution and the American is brought first in front of the firing squad. As the blindfold is being tied around his head, he decides that he will attempt his escape by diverting the attention of his executioners at the final moment, and then running away. The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9, 8, .....". Just before the officer reaches "1", the American shouts, " F L O O D !!". Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of water. In all of this confusion, the American manages to take off his blindfold and run away. By the time the executioners are aware of what happened, the American has made his way deep into the woods. And, of course, for the purposes of this joke, no attempt is made to catch the runaway. The German is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing the American's success, the German decides to attempt a similar escape. He knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the 'flood' trick again. Instead, he decides to use another natural disaster. The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9, 8, .....". Just before the officer reaches "1", the German shouts, " H U R R I C A N E !!". Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of wind. In all of the confusion, the German manages to take off his blindfold and run away. By the time the executioners are aware of what happened, the German has made his way deep into the woods. Again, of course, for the purposes of this joke, no attempt is made to catch the runaway. The afghany is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing his predecessor's successes, the afghany decides to attempt a similar escape. He knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the 'flood' or the 'hurricane' tricks again. Instead, he decides to use another natural disaster. The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9, 8, .....". Just before the officer reaches "1", the afghany shouts, " F I R E !!!!........". |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise WE HAVE A WINNER
ttt
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise WE HAVE A WINNER
99% of these are bar jokes ::)
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise WE HAVE A WINNER
so no one like the old man in the wallmar bag? :'(
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise, joseph davis is the WINNER
JD's was stupid! I win i win i win
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise, joseph davis is the WINNER
so what ddi you get JD?
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise, joseph davis is the WINNER
ok ok ok.
whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito. when you slap a mosquito it will quit sucking. |
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise, joseph davis is the WINNER
:-\Uh....the contest is over buddy
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Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise, joseph davis is the WINNER
OMG, I won!
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