female vs male oil changes
04-06-2006, 01:36 PM
#1
1.0 BAR
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 229
female vs male oil changes
Oil Change instructions for Women :
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
================================================== ========
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
1 Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil ! is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
! 2 Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood flow.
3 Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
! 42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining ! case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
4 Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But you know the job was done right!
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
================================================== ========
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
1
Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil ! is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
! 2
Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood flow.
3
Beer.39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
! 42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining ! case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
4
Car gets impounded.49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But you know the job was done right!
04-06-2006, 01:40 PM
#2
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: female vs male oil changes
Gotta love how the 8-parenthese automaticalls turns into the cool smiley on this board, because everyone here knows how cool looking for a 9/16" box end wrench is.
Personally I think it's cooler to just grab your adjustable wrench and save yourself a minute, as #9 states.
Personally I think it's cooler to just grab your adjustable wrench and save yourself a minute, as #9 states
.
04-06-2006, 01:45 PM
#4
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: female vs male oil changes
Originally Posted by Paul99EX
I always try to muscle my oil filter off with my hands, i think i broke a knuckle one time too
I've done the screwdriver deal a few times, ---- a filter wrench.
.
04-06-2006, 02:13 PM
#7
1.0 BAR
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 438
Re: female vs male oil changes
I made a few changes......
Oil Change instructions for Women :
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) Grease monkey tries to talk her into replacing brand new air filter and performing other services that he insist need to be done, all while he stares at her ****.
4) Calls boyfriend/ husband/ dad to ask if those things really need to be done.
4) 15 minutes later, she has to tell the receptionist to remove the charges for all additional services because they were declined. (they always try to sneak them on the bill)
5) Pays for services (no one uses checks anymore) and walks out with a half *** serviced car.
6) Re-adjust seat, mirrors, and radio station.
7) Drives off
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
I HATE Jiffy lube. When I was 16 and didn't even know what an oil filter was, the grease monkey told me that they couldn't reach the oil filter on my car, so they didn't replace it and that they gave me a $5 discount. After being told that I got ripped off, that is when I learned to change my own oil.
Oil Change instructions for Women :
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) Grease monkey tries to talk her into replacing brand new air filter and performing other services that he insist need to be done, all while he stares at her ****.
4) Calls boyfriend/ husband/ dad to ask if those things really need to be done.
4) 15 minutes later, she has to tell the receptionist to remove the charges for all additional services because they were declined. (they always try to sneak them on the bill)
5) Pays for services (no one uses checks anymore) and walks out with a half *** serviced car.
6) Re-adjust seat, mirrors, and radio station.
7) Drives off
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
I HATE Jiffy lube. When I was 16 and didn't even know what an oil filter was, the grease monkey told me that they couldn't reach the oil filter on my car, so they didn't replace it and that they gave me a $5 discount. After being told that I got ripped off, that is when I learned to change my own oil.
04-06-2006, 02:21 PM
#8
1.5 BAR
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,037
Re: female vs male oil changes
Originally Posted by boosthappy
Look for 17mm box end wrench.My civic will be getting LOF's done at the honda dealer. LOF is important, not oil change, because after my modification to the ES kit there are sommething like 22 grease points on my suspension.
04-06-2006, 03:13 PM
#10
3.0 BAR
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,703
Re: female vs male oil changes
Walmart Lube express $15.95
Synthetic change $30.00
I would spend more time and money doing it myself, so usually just go to walmart, drop the car off, check out some toys, eat something, checkout the movies, and the car is done.
Synthetic change $30.00
I would spend more time and money doing it myself, so usually just go to walmart, drop the car off, check out some toys, eat something, checkout the movies, and the car is done.
