crx2211

I'm sure he's definitely going to do it now. $400 is so worth it .

Tom-Guy

You guys are ------- horrible, you know that?










Put me down for $50.

Tough-guy

Usual HMT ------- bullshit. Are you really surprised Joseph? This kid is hurting inside and the taunt him with money as a lure. Disgusting.

TorganFM

Please don't end up like infernosoul, as someone mentioned earlier. Don't bodybuildingforum yourself, it just isn't worth it.

2GeclipseRST

That wasn't funny.

You know why i haven't posted in this thread?

My girlfriend is kinda self-absorbed. My mom has been trying to give us breaks by taking the baby here and there. Jess takes it as her motherhood being questioned. SHe takes it out on me. I mean, i didn't talk to her for 3 days almost because whatever i say doesn't seem to matter to her. Then when i got off work sunday night, she had read the note i wrote in response to some she had left me (making me feel like i was nothing pretty much and how i didn't love my daughter.....which is a lie. I'd die for her.) telling her to gtfo because i was sick of playing head games. I asked her when i opened the door she asked me to read her letter and i'm like "we're not doing this. I can't get through to you. You make me seem like im such a bad person and nothing i do is ever good enough. You made me choose between helping my disabled mom and my brothers out or you and our daughter. WHy can't i do both? I make enough money. We have a roof over our head, food, eveything we need." She just started yelling and screaming about little things while i'm still taking in a calm voice....somewhat smiling because i thought she was a joke. I mean, she's blowing up at me over stuff that has nothing to do with anything other than money we spend on eachother, my mom doing what she does best (caring), her mom being racist but me not telling her mom to her face and just talking ----...... Bullshit. Whatever.

She started crying and said "you'll never see your daughter again, blah blah blah" I lost it. I was looking into my daughter's little eyes, her cute little face and i said in my head 'i'll never see her take her first steps, go to school, she'll never be my co-pilot during auto x events when she gets old enough.....' Her mom and dad came by. Her dad is cool as ----. Her mom is a ****, heartless bitch whom i loathe. She puts all kinds of fucked ideas into jess's head...... They were picking her stuff up and i asked jess "so you wont change your mind"

"It's too late" She said. "you want US to leave, we're leaving". Honestly, i just wanted her to listen to me and despite everything going on, i'm a person too and i also have feelings. I mean, i snapped. I grabbed my box cutter from work, ran out on the back porch and i was so numb from what was happening that i was about to drive the cutter into my wrists. My brother (300lbs, 6'4") bolts out of the back door and puts me in a headlock and wrestles the box cutter away from me. I fucked my thumb up pretty bad and was bleeding all over the place. He got hit on his thumb too a little bit but just a small scratch. He got away from me and let me sit there and cry. Jess came out and started crying on top of me and i got up, fell in shock, got up again and went downstairs to get away from her and find something sharp. I'm digging through drawers and she's screaming for help and ----. She steps out, my brother goes downstairs and pins me down again. Her friend charity called the cops and about 5 minutes later i have tazers aimed at me and ----. They cuff me, drag me to my front porch and let me smoke a cigarette. They weren't dicks or anything. They were just trying to figure out why i would want to do that. I know them all because they're curious about my skating and car stuff. I've been busted for both before but they really do appreciate it as long as i dont do stuff illegally.

They asked me if i wanted an ambulance, if i wanted to press charges on my gf for hitting me and stuff (she didn't hurt me, she just punched me and hit me several times with our bedroom door. It hurt me emotionally but that's all). I said no. Then they're like well, you either ride with us and or ride in the ambulance because we have to get you help. They were telling me it's ok and patting me on the back and stuff when i was crying. I mean, it was nuts. Part of me was crying because i failed at killing myself....i mean i was going to walk off after i did it and bleed out somewhere in the wood or something. The other part of me was crying because all these people know how i felt and they weren't supposed to. I was just supposed to go and that was it. I mean, if i can't see my daughter and the women i loved didn't want to hear me out...what else was i supposed to live for. I did the best i could and it wasn't good enough.

I've been in treatment like 100 miles away from home for the past 3 days. They've got me on some pink pill....lexapro or something and i've gotta do follow up treatment. I've been wanting to seek help for a while and stuff and it sucks i let it build up to this to the point where I HAD to seek help. I'm glad i did it. One of her friends sent me a myspace message saying she want's to talk to me.

I just want my memory card for my ps2 back and i want her friend to come get the rest of her stuff. After that, some legal stuff will go down deciding how i'm going to see my daughter. I'm not having any physical contact with her otherwise. What hurt alot is comming home to find out she took all of the baby stuff but left her bassonet and a few articles of her clothes....this cute pooh blanket my mom got her for x-mas..... She took all the pictures. ALL the pictures. All her baby things..... The guitar i bought her and paid $300 for that she said she didn't want. She left her bed though. W/E. I'm moving on.


Oh, and the usual hmt bullshit doesn't effect me. I know you're just trying to be funny. Talking about my daughter however, is not funny. Go ---- yourself.

Seriously though. If anyone has thoughts like this....get help before it's too late. Or in my case, you ---- up your suicide and get stuck with a sliced open thumb and a trip to the nuthouse. I have severe depression and anxiety. What i got out of this is i need to stop hating myself for doing my best. Who gives a ---- if your best isn't good enough for someone? ---- em. Stay away from them. They're negative people and let them go ahead and find more negative people instead of trying to turn you into one.

I posted earlier i was never going to do it. It scared me that it took so little, the fear of never being able to see my kid again and have to live with her growing up with a stepdad and her materialistic self absorbed mom and racist grandma..... I didn't want to live to see that.

McBoost

Your girlfriend is good at pushing your buttons. She knows you love your kid. I think some good anti-depression meds coupled with counseling will do you some good. You know what's worse than you not being able to see your daughter? Your daughter growing up without her dad, feeling guilty for your death for the rest of her life.

Your brother stopping you from doing something stupid just proves that you have people in your life that love you. You will be able to see your daughter as long as you get your head on straight.

2GeclipseRST

Thanks for the kind words.

Thinking of that helped alot when i was doing group therapy and talking to nurses and stuff. I mean, i'd be dead but her being rediculed her whole life for being a "bastard" or having a "crazy dad who killed himself because life was too much for him" would just continue a bad cycle. Hopefully i can break it with her and she grows to be a positive person and no matter what both her parents love her and it's not her fualt that we split up.

I'm uploading pics now to my photobucket so you guys can see her. She's beautiful. My lil' pumpkin. I hope her mom got a face full of ---- today and was dressed nice for it too. Lol! My kid ----'s like nobody's business. That's my girl!

2GeclipseRST

Here she is!













I made my buddy andrew hold her. I've been trying to get him to join the forum for a while. He's got a nice, non-riced dc4.




Our friends. That's "her" all the way to the right.

That was a fun night. Gears of war 2, left 4 dead and changing diapers in between. Georgie was not stoked. She likes playing tokyo extreme racer, d1 gran prix and skate on xbox. well, i set a controller in her lap and she drools on the buttons. SHe usually laughs, smiles and then falls asleep.



God, she's so beautiful. I'm thankful to have her. *sigh* I dont know when i'll be able to see her again and that sucks but i WILL be able to see her again and that's what's importaint.

MikeJ-2009

You look young, and you sound like you're talking about real ---- over stupid ----. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is the head on your shoulders, and what you wanna do to make yourself happy in life. Don't be a retard.

Tom-Guy

Babymomma told me I'd never see my kid again, and ran off with her for the first five years. Now I have custody, and I don't play games. She can see the kid anytime she wants - but she's not getting custody back because I'm done with bullshit games.

It takes years to get in that position, a pile of money, and it's only the hardest thing you'll ever do. And you're worthless if you can't do it, so get your ------- *** in gear and start being a man. All this Jerry Springer drama over killing yourself because of some cold ---- a **** said is retarded, and not how men comport themselve. Dwell on that, and on what sort of person you want to be in this life, and start acting accordingly.