best jokes
07-18-2006, 12:58 AM
#11
1.0 BAR
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 265
Re: best jokes
Damn Beer!
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nuthin ya dun told her twice (must be said with redneck accent)
What do you call a woman with 0ne black eye?
A quick learner.
What do youdo when the dishwasher stops?
Slap it on the *** and tell it to get back to work.
What do you call 3 mexicans an african american and a chinese guy?
A sprinkler: Spic, Spic, Spic, *****, *****
What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?
How'd you get us in this jam?
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nuthin ya dun told her twice (must be said with redneck accent)
What do you call a woman with 0ne black eye?
A quick learner.
What do youdo when the dishwasher stops?
Slap it on the *** and tell it to get back to work.
What do you call 3 mexicans an african american and a chinese guy?
A sprinkler: Spic, Spic, Spic, *****, *****
What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?
How'd you get us in this jam?
07-18-2006, 02:10 AM
#12
3.0 BAR
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,081
Re: best jokes
A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?"
"Africa," says the parrot.
Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college?
A: A Basketball player.
Q: How do you break up the "Million Man March"?
A: Fly overhead with helicopters and drop job applications.
Q: Why did the black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: He said: "If I'ze gonna be im-po-tent, I wanna looks im-po-tant."
Q: Why are black ladies pocket books so big?
A: They have to put their lipstick some where
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.
How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ***!
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!
What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, ----, Etc."
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
Girl comes in for a Checkup
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"
"Africa," says the parrot.
Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college?
A: A Basketball player.
Q: How do you break up the "Million Man March"?
A: Fly overhead with helicopters and drop job applications.
Q: Why did the black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: He said: "If I'ze gonna be im-po-tent, I wanna looks im-po-tant."
Q: Why are black ladies pocket books so big?
A: They have to put their lipstick some where
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.
How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ***!
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!
What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, ----, Etc."
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
Girl comes in for a Checkup
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"
07-18-2006, 04:03 AM
#13
1.0 BAR
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 460
Re: best jokes
Once there was a lumber jack that worked in the camps for 3 months straight without seeing a woman the whole time. While there the only thing he thinks about is sex. So after his 3 months is up he heads straight to the ----- house for his entire week off. When he first gets there he asks to have the biggest roughest toughest woman they have because he's a roughneck lumberjack, so the receptionist replies "we have the perfect woman for you, her name is Bear and is in room 224" so he goes up to the room and has the best sex of his life, comes back everyday all week.
Then he goes back to the camp for another 3 months and all he can think about is Bear.
Finally his 3 months is up and he goes straight back to the same ----- house and tells the receptionist that he was there 3 months prior and he was with Bear and must have her again. She tells him she is out on a call but should be back soon just to go up to the room and wait for her, and there is a tv and a dvd player for him to watch some of Bears personal videos.
He goes up to the room and is sitting in a chair with his dick in his hand forgetting to shut the door fully. As the cleaning lady walks by she peeks in the room and see him holding his dick. She gets excited and runs down to the receptionist and asks if she can go talk to the man in room 224. The receptionist says yeah go ahead he is waiting for Bear.
She runs back upstairs and pushes the door open and says to the man, "Excuse me sir but I couldn't help notice your big dick and was wondering if I could get a better look at it?" He says "sure, but hurry up" She looks and says "Sir can I touch it I never seen anything that big before?" He says, "yeah go ahead and hurry up Bear will be here soon" She touches it and creams a little juice in her panties as it's been so long since she has had sex. She then asks the man "Sir I really have to ask can I please put that in my mouth?" He says "---- YOU LADY, this here is loaded for a Bear shot the head off a ------ coomb!!"
Then he goes back to the camp for another 3 months and all he can think about is Bear.
Finally his 3 months is up and he goes straight back to the same ----- house and tells the receptionist that he was there 3 months prior and he was with Bear and must have her again. She tells him she is out on a call but should be back soon just to go up to the room and wait for her, and there is a tv and a dvd player for him to watch some of Bears personal videos.
He goes up to the room and is sitting in a chair with his dick in his hand forgetting to shut the door fully. As the cleaning lady walks by she peeks in the room and see him holding his dick. She gets excited and runs down to the receptionist and asks if she can go talk to the man in room 224. The receptionist says yeah go ahead he is waiting for Bear.
She runs back upstairs and pushes the door open and says to the man, "Excuse me sir but I couldn't help notice your big dick and was wondering if I could get a better look at it?" He says "sure, but hurry up" She looks and says "Sir can I touch it I never seen anything that big before?" He says, "yeah go ahead and hurry up Bear will be here soon" She touches it and creams a little juice in her panties as it's been so long since she has had sex. She then asks the man "Sir I really have to ask can I please put that in my mouth?" He says "---- YOU LADY, this here is loaded for a Bear shot the head off a ------ coomb!!"
07-19-2006, 05:37 PM
#17
3.0 BAR
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 9,203
Re: best jokes
hahaha my little brother told me this the other day... ---- got me rolling!!!! Propbably cause he's only 15 and doesn't say ---- like this.
What do you call a person who is half vietnamese and half black?
vinegar [vi------] or as I would say vietneeeeeeegger!!!
What do you call a person who is half vietnamese and half black?
vinegar [vi------] or as I would say vietneeeeeeegger!!!
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