*UPDATED*who wants a surprise, joseph davis is the WINNER
11-23-2003, 12:52 PM
#21
1.0 BAR
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 600
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
Good ol' school joke-
A man is FLYING down the highway between the speeds of 110-115 MPH. He passes a bridge, and then notices a cop in full pursuit behind him. The cop turns on his lights and the man pulls over.
The cop walks over to the car and asks, "Where the hell are you going in such a hurry?" The man replies, "I'm running late for my ------- strecthing session!"
The cop, dumbfounded ask, "What the hell is that?" The man explains, "Well, they break it down into three sessions. The first session the stretch your asshold to 1 foot. The second time they stretch you asshold to THREE feet! And the last session the streth you brown eye to SIX FOOT!!" The cop, wide-eyed asks,"What the hell are you going to do with a 6-foot *** hole?!" The man replies, "Put him at the end of a bridge with a radar gun!"
Ah yes. Love. - Matt
A man is FLYING down the highway between the speeds of 110-115 MPH. He passes a bridge, and then notices a cop in full pursuit behind him. The cop turns on his lights and the man pulls over.
The cop walks over to the car and asks, "Where the hell are you going in such a hurry?" The man replies, "I'm running late for my ------- strecthing session!"
The cop, dumbfounded ask, "What the hell is that?" The man explains, "Well, they break it down into three sessions. The first session the stretch your asshold to 1 foot. The second time they stretch you asshold to THREE feet! And the last session the streth you brown eye to SIX FOOT!!" The cop, wide-eyed asks,"What the hell are you going to do with a 6-foot *** hole?!" The man replies, "Put him at the end of a bridge with a radar gun!"
Ah yes. Love. - Matt
11-23-2003, 09:00 PM
#26
3.0 BAR
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 6,857
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
Guy walks into a bar and all the stools ait the bar are upside down.He stops in his tracks.The bartender acknawleges him and the guy says "Ill come back when your open.The bartender says"were open this is a GAY bar".
What the oposite of Christofer Reves?
Christofer Walkins.
What the oposite of Christofer Reves?
Christofer Walkins.
11-23-2003, 09:57 PM
#27
0.0 BAR
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 0
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
11-23-2003, 10:18 PM
#28
1.0 BAR
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 399
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
ok a guy walks in to a bar and sits down bullshitting witht he bartender orders a drink and he notices a big jug on money at the end of the bar so he is like hey bartender what's that money for. and the bartender reply and say u see that guy at the end of the bar and he was like ya, and th ebartender sid well if u can knock the guy out in one punch the money is yours so the guy has a few more and another jug onf money was down with the first and asks the bartender what that was for and he replied saying there a bull out back with a loose tooth and if uc an get it out the money is yours.. well he has another and to his smazment there is a 3rd jug down at the bar filled with money and he was like hey bartender wtf is that one for and he replied saying there is a blonde upstairs that has never had a orgasim and if u can give her one the money is yours... well he takes a shot of yager stands up and walks down the end of the bar knocks the guy on in one punch and then walks out back and comes back 10 min's later all bloody and says hey bartneder where's the blonde with the loose tooth
11-23-2003, 11:47 PM
#30
1.5 BAR
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 694
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
Well, it seems that these three fellows, an American, a German
and a afghany are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. As
the final hour approachs, each man is trying to think of a way to escape
his inevitable doom. The time comes for the execution and the American
is brought first in front of the firing squad. As the blindfold is
being tied around his head, he decides that he will attempt his escape
by diverting the attention of his executioners at the final moment, and
then running away.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown:
"10, 9, 8, .....". Just before the officer reaches "1", the American
shouts, " F L O O D !!". Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their
rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of water. In all of this
confusion, the American manages to take off his blindfold and run away.
By the time the executioners are aware of what happened, the American
has made his way deep into the woods. And, of course, for the purposes
of this joke, no attempt is made to catch the runaway.
The German is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing
the American's success, the German decides to attempt a similar escape.
He knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the 'flood'
trick again. Instead, he decides to use another natural disaster.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown:
"10, 9, 8, .....". Just before the officer reaches "1", the German
shouts, " H U R R I C A N E !!". Startled, all of the gunmen look up
from their rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of wind. In
all of the confusion, the German manages to take off his blindfold and
run away. By the time the executioners are aware of what happened, the
German has made his way deep into the woods. Again, of course, for the
purposes of this joke, no attempt is made to catch the runaway.
The afghany is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing
his predecessor's successes, the afghany decides to attempt a similar escape.
He knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the 'flood' or
the 'hurricane' tricks again. Instead, he decides to use another natural
disaster.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown:
"10, 9, 8, .....". Just before the officer reaches "1", the afghany
shouts, " F I R E !!!!........".
and a afghany are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. As
the final hour approachs, each man is trying to think of a way to escape
his inevitable doom. The time comes for the execution and the American
is brought first in front of the firing squad. As the blindfold is
being tied around his head, he decides that he will attempt his escape
by diverting the attention of his executioners at the final moment, and
then running away.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown:
"10, 9, 8, .....". Just before the officer reaches "1", the American
shouts, " F L O O D !!". Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their
rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of water. In all of this
confusion, the American manages to take off his blindfold and run away.
By the time the executioners are aware of what happened, the American
has made his way deep into the woods. And, of course, for the purposes
of this joke, no attempt is made to catch the runaway.
The German is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing
the American's success, the German decides to attempt a similar escape.
He knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the 'flood'
trick again. Instead, he decides to use another natural disaster.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown:
"10, 9, 8, .....". Just before the officer reaches "1", the German
shouts, " H U R R I C A N E !!". Startled, all of the gunmen look up
from their rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of wind. In
all of the confusion, the German manages to take off his blindfold and
run away. By the time the executioners are aware of what happened, the
German has made his way deep into the woods. Again, of course, for the
purposes of this joke, no attempt is made to catch the runaway.
The afghany is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing
his predecessor's successes, the afghany decides to attempt a similar escape.
He knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the 'flood' or
the 'hurricane' tricks again. Instead, he decides to use another natural
disaster.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown:
"10, 9, 8, .....". Just before the officer reaches "1", the afghany
shouts, " F I R E !!!!........".
