*UPDATED*who wants a surprise, joseph davis is the WINNER
11-22-2003, 11:18 PM
#11
0.0 BAR
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 0
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
I have two for you:
1) What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Well, Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and....
... Michael Jackson ***** little kids.
2) ... and this is my fav, btw... How long does it take the average woman to reach orgasm?
Who gives a ----?
1) What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Well, Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and....
... Michael Jackson ***** little kids.
2) ... and this is my fav, btw... How long does it take the average woman to reach orgasm?
Who gives a ----?
11-22-2003, 11:29 PM
#13
1.0 BAR
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 517
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
ok ok here is mine
There were two brothers.
One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful.
His brother on the other hand was bad and did all the things that men should not do in life and didn't care who he hurt.
The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways.
Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to
Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there, and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't
seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead.
The good brother then asked God if there was any way for
him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother.
He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with you. It is so beautiful here and I love it.
But I don't understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer & a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment".
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my
son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not
There were two brothers.
One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful.
His brother on the other hand was bad and did all the things that men should not do in life and didn't care who he hurt.
The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways.
Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to
Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there, and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't
seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead.
The good brother then asked God if there was any way for
him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother.
He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with you. It is so beautiful here and I love it.
But I don't understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer & a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment".
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my
son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not
11-22-2003, 11:42 PM
#16
3.0 BAR
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 21,479
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
I got another one.
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then
the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle
each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a
beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but don't hit me so hard on the
head with the beer bottle".
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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then
the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle
each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a
beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but don't hit me so hard on the
head with the beer bottle".
__________________
Best Car Insurance | Auto Protection Today | FREE Trade-In Quote
11-22-2003, 11:53 PM
#17
3.0 BAR
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 3,254
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
one more...
This guy was born with out any arms. he lived his whole life that way until one day a doctor said "hey there's an experimental surgery to get you some biomechanical arms" he replied "ok, i have nothing to lose"
so the doctor performs the surgery. After it was done the doctor told him "all you have to do is tell the arm what to do and it'll do it, tell it to shake my hand" , the guy timidly tells his arm to shake the doctor's hand. and it does. "wow this is pretty cool" says the guy " wave goodbye to the nice doctor" and it does.
The guy, satisfied with his new appendages walks out of the hospital. On the way out he stops to use the restroom. "wow" he thought "this is going to be much easier now that i have arms". "ok arm, unbutton my pants" and it did. "now unzip my zipper" and it did. "ok, take out my *****" and it did. and he proceeded to take a leak.
After he finished pissing he thought to himself "You know, i've never felt my dick before, this is kind of nice" after thinking about it for a sec he tells the arm " jerk it off" and it did.
This guy was born with out any arms. he lived his whole life that way until one day a doctor said "hey there's an experimental surgery to get you some biomechanical arms" he replied "ok, i have nothing to lose"
so the doctor performs the surgery. After it was done the doctor told him "all you have to do is tell the arm what to do and it'll do it, tell it to shake my hand" , the guy timidly tells his arm to shake the doctor's hand. and it does. "wow this is pretty cool" says the guy " wave goodbye to the nice doctor" and it does.
The guy, satisfied with his new appendages walks out of the hospital. On the way out he stops to use the restroom. "wow" he thought "this is going to be much easier now that i have arms". "ok arm, unbutton my pants" and it did. "now unzip my zipper" and it did. "ok, take out my *****" and it did. and he proceeded to take a leak.
After he finished pissing he thought to himself "You know, i've never felt my dick before, this is kind of nice" after thinking about it for a sec he tells the arm " jerk it off" and it did.
11-23-2003, 01:51 AM
#18
0.0 BAR
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 0
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
What do you call a bungee jumping frenchman?
a leapfrog.
whats the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk?
alcoholics go to meetings.
A guy walks into a bar. he sits down, orders a beer and notices a sign on the bar that says, "make a moose laugh; win $100." the asks the bar tender what the sign is all about. the bar tender says that there is a moose in the back room, and if anyone makes it laugh, they win $100. so the guy goes into the back room. he comes out a minute later with the moose laughing hystericaly, gets his $100 and goes home. the next day he goes back to the bar and there is a new sign, "make a moose cry, win $100." so the guy goes into the back room again. a minute later he comes out with the moose crying in dispare. the bar tender, pissed that hes loosing money on this moose, asks the guy how he did it. the guy says, "well, to make the moose laugh, i told him i had bigger ***** than he did. to make him cry, i proved it."
a leapfrog.
whats the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk?
alcoholics go to meetings.
A guy walks into a bar. he sits down, orders a beer and notices a sign on the bar that says, "make a moose laugh; win $100." the asks the bar tender what the sign is all about. the bar tender says that there is a moose in the back room, and if anyone makes it laugh, they win $100. so the guy goes into the back room. he comes out a minute later with the moose laughing hystericaly, gets his $100 and goes home. the next day he goes back to the bar and there is a new sign, "make a moose cry, win $100." so the guy goes into the back room again. a minute later he comes out with the moose crying in dispare. the bar tender, pissed that hes loosing money on this moose, asks the guy how he did it. the guy says, "well, to make the moose laugh, i told him i had bigger ***** than he did. to make him cry, i proved it."
11-23-2003, 12:10 PM
#20
1.5 BAR
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,230
Re:*UPDATED*who wants a surprise contest inside
A guy walks into a bar and asks says to the bartender
"hey man Im from out of town and im lookin for some action can you tel me where to got?"
bartender points to the corner of the room where this amazingly hot chick is standing.
the guy goes over to the girl and asks her how much for a handjob.. she smiles and in the sexiest voice imaginable remarks "I charge 200" The guy looks at her in amazement "200 are you joking why so much?" she turns to the parking lot and says to him "you see all those exotic cars in the parking lot.. those are all mine and Ive earned them by giving handjobs" The guy, curious as to why she is so expensive and so successful knows he must see what she's all about. So he pays her the 200 and she goes to work, he finishes and its like nothing he's ever expierienced. He's so satisfied he goes back the next day and asks her how much for a blow job. she turns to him and says "500" again he is dumbfounded by how much she charges. she turns to him and points to the bay. "you see all those boats. those boats are all mine. I bought them with money Ive made from giving head". he is further intreaged so he pays her the money.. and it was worth every penny.. he comes back the next day and asks her how much to ----.. she point into the hills and say "you see all those houses in the hills those are the houses I wouldve had, had I not been a man."
-CF
"hey man Im from out of town and im lookin for some action can you tel me where to got?"
bartender points to the corner of the room where this amazingly hot chick is standing.
the guy goes over to the girl and asks her how much for a handjob.. she smiles and in the sexiest voice imaginable remarks "I charge 200" The guy looks at her in amazement "200 are you joking why so much?" she turns to the parking lot and says to him "you see all those exotic cars in the parking lot.. those are all mine and Ive earned them by giving handjobs" The guy, curious as to why she is so expensive and so successful knows he must see what she's all about. So he pays her the 200 and she goes to work, he finishes and its like nothing he's ever expierienced. He's so satisfied he goes back the next day and asks her how much for a blow job. she turns to him and says "500" again he is dumbfounded by how much she charges. she turns to him and points to the bay. "you see all those boats. those boats are all mine. I bought them with money Ive made from giving head". he is further intreaged so he pays her the money.. and it was worth every penny.. he comes back the next day and asks her how much to ----.. she point into the hills and say "you see all those houses in the hills those are the houses I wouldve had, had I not been a man."
-CF
